There is no denying the fact that nowadays, children spend several hours on smartphones daily. Despite people having arguments views about this topic, however, in my opinion, I consider that this is a negative development and in this essay will express my perspective, as well as discuss the reasons behind this case.

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There is no denying the fact that nowadays,
children
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spend several hours on smartphones daily. Despite people having arguments views about
this
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topic,
however
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, in my opinion, I consider that
this
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is a negative development and
in
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apply
show examples
this
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essay will express my perspective,
as well as
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discuss the reasons behind
this
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case.
To begin
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with, there are many reasons behind
this
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trend.
Firstly
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, the majority of kids do not have enough activities to fill their leisure
time
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.
In other words
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, most
of
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apply
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parents
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do not assign enough tasks for their
children
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or even encourage them to engage in entertainment pursuits in their leisure
time
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.
In addition
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,
parents
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, who play
a role-model
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role models
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for their
children
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, spend a long
time
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on their phones,
consequently
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, their
children
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will copy them because they create a stereotypical thinking about the way they should spend their
time
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when they witness their
parents
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spending many hours on their phones.
For example
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, based on a recent study,
parents
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who spend many hours replying to work emails in front of their
children
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, their
children
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spend
this
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period playing on phones. In terms of the bad effects of smartphones. Our
children
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are going to
destruct
Verb problem
destroy
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their personalities if they keep using their devices in the same way. It is
also
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possible to say that are becoming phone addicts and they are losing a lot of social activities which could be considered as the main way to build their social skills.
Moreover
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, they are creating a huge gap with their
parents
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.
For instance
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, if your son
spend
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spends
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the majority of his
time
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on
phone
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the phone
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,
then
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you will not find special
time
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to spend with him. In conclusion, there are many reasons behind
this
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phenomenon,
as well as
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many disadvantages. It is
also
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true that there are some positive effects
such
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as
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
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consistently connected with friends and relatives,
however
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, I believe
this
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case is a negative development.
Submitted by shaymaa.khalaf91 on

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task response
Develop your ideas more comprehensively. While you present your perspective and provide examples, deeper exploration and analysis of each point could strengthen your argument. Consider discussing the implications or potential solutions to the issues you raise.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by better organizing your essay. Though you have an introduction, body, and conclusion, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences will enhance readability and persuasion. Perhaps using topic sentences more effectively could help in this regard.
coherence and cohesion
To improve your coherence, make sure the connection between your ideas is more explicit. Using a wider variety of linking phrases can also help in making the transition between sentences and paragraphs smoother, leading to a more cohesive essay.
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