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Band 6.5

Nowadays a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor
It has been claimed that more
people
 are now using
alternative
 medical practices rather than using proper doctors.
This
 essay will argue that it is a dangerous development.
To begin
 with, there is simply no good argument for using
alternative
 medicines. Any
alternative
 treatment that works will be incorporated into conventional
medicine
, so to go outside of the mainstream is to take a pointless risk. The vast majority of
alternative
 medical practices, no matter how they are marketed, are at best useless and at worst highly dangerous. Using any
alternative
 treatment has two potential outcomes. The first is that nothing will happen because most of them are in fact fake. Take acupuncture,
homeopathy
Change the spelling
homoeopathy
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, or folk
medicine
,
for example
. These are simply archaic or idealistic ideas that mostly rely upon the placebo effect. In most cases, they do nothing and any genuine use that they could pose has or will be incorporated into conventional
medicine
 through the scientific method and peer review. In
such
 cases, a patient with an illness will not recover and will waste time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
seeking real treatment. In severe cases, these fraudulent practitioners will actually harm their patients because their treatments are dangerous. These
alternative
 medicines are unregulated and used by
people
 who have no proper training, which means that they will not only fail to help but may even introduce new health problems. In conclusion, the trend of
people
 seeking
alternative
 forms of
medicine
 is massively problematic and puts
people
 at serious risk of illness and death.
Submitted by sindokhtdadjoo2000 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Use linking words effectively to connect ideas and make your argument flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure with an introduction and conclusion, strive to make your introduction more engaging and your conclusion more reflective. This will enhance the overall impact of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You've provided support for your main points, but including more specific examples and evidence will strengthen your argument. Real-world instances or studies that back your claims would be particularly valuable.
task achievement
You've responded to the task effectively, but to improve, ensure that every part of the question is addressed comprehensively. Present a more balanced view by acknowledging the reasons why people may turn to alternative medicines, even if you don't agree with them.
task achievement
To improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, aim for a more nuanced discussion. This involves exploring different perspectives and possibly acknowledging counterarguments before refuting them with your reasoning and evidence.
task achievement
Incorporating more relevant and specific examples related to the effectiveness or harm of alternative medicines will add depth to your essay. This helps substantiate your claims and provides a more convincing argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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