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Band 8

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programmes. Do you agree or diagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #diagree
There are more discussions about unpaid community service that should be included in the high
school
 curriculum. For me, I very agree that it should be mandatory in the high
school
 programs. One reason is to develop the social responsibility of the
school
-age children. By working in the communities
such
 as volunteering in the homeless shelters or cleaning the place. These activities can lead to developing social awareness, teamwork, problem-solving, and leadership.
For example
, a country like Norway sets volunteering initiatives as part of
school
 programs resulting in having 98% of their kids improve both hard and soft skills that can benefit them in their future work and life. Another wonderful outcome of unpaid service is it can raise the community, schools and students bonds.
While
 young children doing their social services, it has a good relationship between kids and people in the communities. These make the strong output among them as the public people gain the benefits that students provide, and the students receive real-world experiences that cannot be found in the classroom. Canada is the country that implementing
this
 strategy with pleasure results.
According to
 the Canadian Learning Institute reported that when applying community-based learning activities, 100% of the local communities are more satisfied and feel more happy with the program. All in all,
while
 some debate that unpaid service is not mandatory in the high
school
 program, there have more good results in terms of improving social responsibility and relationships.
Consequently
, the government should include these activities in the curriculum.
Submitted by amittawin on

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task achievement
Ensure clarity in expressing opinions. Be consistent with phrases like 'I completely agree' instead of 'I very agree' to make the stance clearer.
coherence cohesion
Provide a smoother transition between paragraphs. For instance, adding linking words or sentences would help the essay flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every new idea has dedicated space in its own paragraph to maintain clarity and focus.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples, such as the references to Norway and Canada, which effectively support the argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, setting the stage and wrapping up the discussion effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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