nowdays, many people choose to be self- employes, rather than to work for a company or organaisation. why might this be the case? what could be the disadvantages of being self employed?
Currently, a number of
people
opt to possess their own jobs instead
of working for companies or organizations. There are several reasons why people
are partial to working on their own. The eagerness for independence and the pressures of colleagues are the two main reasons that stand out. This
essay will delve into the mentioned case while
discussing the demerits.
With the advancement of technology, It is a crucial question whether the options for vacations have been increased substantially or people
have been pursued by those misleading beliefs. In my opinion, although
people
should aspire to enhance their life conditions, people
should be well aware of unlogical expectations. Namely, the widespread use of social media platforms results in a new job prospect, named an ‘influencer’. Being an influencer has a reputation , especially among youngsters. People
are mesmerized by the possibility of perks that come with this
job, thereby they strive to be well-known on those platforms in addition
to gaining their lives independently.
Another reason is,
the stress that comes with working for someone else. It is undeniable that, in some sectors, workers have excessive workloads which are impossible to deal with. In Remove the comma
apply
such
work fields people
may be exposed to their coworker’s unbearable pressures and that would result in mental illnesses. Considering these possibilities makes them prone to refrain from working in companies.
However
, if all people
intend to work by themselves, that causes to inadequate number of qualified workers. Also
, there would be a lack of professionals which is important for us. To conclude
, although
the thought of self-employment has its own charm there many cons that would be awful for overall
public well-being.Submitted by aleynacanacikel on
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task achievement
Introduction could be clearer by directly addressing both parts of the prompt: reasons for choosing self-employment and its disadvantages. Your opening partially addresses the prompt but doesn't fully establish a foundation for the essay's structure.
task achievement
Ensure your examples and reasons directly support your points. E.g., the influence of 'influencer' culture on self-employment motivations was introduced but not thoroughly connected to the idea of independence or escape from workplace pressures. Clarifying and deepening these connections can help.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, transitions between paragraphs and ideas could be smoother. Using more linking phrases can guide the reader through your argument more effectively. Also, making a clearer distinction between sections on reasons and disadvantages can help overall clarity and flow.
coherence and cohesion
For a higher score, develop your conclusion further. Summarize the key points discussed and state a clear, nuanced stance on the issues presented. Your conclusion touches on this but could be expanded for greater impact.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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