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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began.

The chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began.
#information #participants #olympics
The given bar chart provides changes in terms of the
number
 of
participants
 in
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
 between two different genders,
while
 the line graph presents fluctuations
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of total
participants
 in
Correct article usage
the Olypic
show examples
Olypic
Correct your spelling
Olympic
games
Capitalize word
Games
show examples
 from 1924 to 2012.
Overall
, both
numbers
 for genders increased throughout the whole
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
.
In particular
, the female athletes had a significant growth compared to male
chagnes
Correct your spelling
changes
.
Followed by
Wrong verb form
Following
show examples
this
, the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the total
number
 of people was experienced throughout the given period. Looking at the bar chart closely,
man
Correct your spelling
the male
show examples
participants
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 always bigger than women for the whole given
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
. In 1924, female athletes
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 just around 100,
while
 male
participants
 were around 3,000 at the same time. The
number
 of
female
Change to a plural noun
females
show examples
 experienced
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 upwards in the
followed
Replace the word
following
show examples
 years until 2012 to roughly 4,800 which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
mostly caught up
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
male's
Change noun form
male
show examples
 participant
numbers
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 6,000 during the same period. Moving to the figures of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
participants
 in
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
, they recorded just about 3,000 people in 2024.
After
this
 year, they began to have
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
show examples
 increase
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 roughly 6,500 individuals until 1984. Interestingly
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
they reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the top of the
number
 of
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
show examples
 in 2012 with just above 10,000
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a remakable growth which
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 almost a double up compared to the previous increases.
Submitted by yeseulyou92 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, participants, numbers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Olympic Games
  • participants
  • historical context
  • trend
  • exponential growth
  • influence
  • world events
  • diversity
  • technological advancements
  • global
  • gender equality
  • International Olympic Committee (IOC)
  • unity
  • competition
  • athletes
  • entry
  • represent
  • delegation
  • boycotts
  • milestones
  • parity
  • inclusive
  • disciplines
  • legacy
  • sponsorship
  • admission
  • elite sportspeople
  • national pride
  • cultural exchange
  • ambassadors
  • sportsmanship
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