New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Whether we like it or not, in the past few decades, the advent of modern gadgets has transformed all aspects of offspring's leisure pursuits in their break time. The writer states that in spite of bad impacts on physical health, the merits of having diverse enterprises for their entertainment and the enhancement of communication outweigh the drawbacks. To commence with, it is advantageous for

children

Use synonyms

to relax by various activities coming from modern gadgets. To elucidate, those interesting devices consist of incredible games that offspring possibly access

Change preposition

apply

show examples

instead

Linking Words

of boring with playing traditional games. From

then

Linking Words

, offspring find it striking to enjoy their pastime.

Additionally

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

innovation can enhance modes of communication permitting

children

Use synonyms

to stay connected with distant friends and family.

In other words

Linking Words

, those individuals have the ability to send messages

as well as

Linking Words

have video calls through the utilities of social platforms.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, the speed of communication is augmented on the condition that being faster and faster.

For example

Linking Words

, Facebook and Instagram are prevalent social media that are used by

children

Use synonyms

Conversely

Linking Words

, the discernible shortcoming is that offspring are negatively influenced by physical health. In fact,

children

Use synonyms

are mostly humpbacked

due to

Linking Words

the sedentary lifestyle.

Besides

Linking Words

, those individuals regularly feel tired because of excessive time screen that causes eye strain. Take Vietnamese offspring as an example, over 40% of them are in trouble with bone disease

due to

Linking Words

the abuse of technological gadgets. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

can have a big impact on physical health, it is useful for them to have various activities and enhanced modes of connection.

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Wed Mar 06 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Strengthen your essay's coherence by clearly outlining your main points in the introduction and linking them back in the conclusion. This will make your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.

coherence cohesion

Enhance cohesion by employing a wider range of linking words and phrases. This helps to connect ideas more smoothly and makes your essay more fluid to read.

task achievement

To fully address the task, ensure your essay provides a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages equally. This will demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

task achievement

Make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive by developing them further. Supporting them with more detailed examples or explanations can strengthen your argument.

task achievement

Incorporate relevant, specific examples to support your points. This not only adds credibility to your argument but also helps to illustrate your ideas more clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

263 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
(SOFIA) You have a problem with a recently hired employee in your workplace. Write a letter to the HR manager. In your letter – Describe the problem the new employee has caused – Explain how other colleagues feel about the new employee’s conduct – Say how you expect the manager to address the situation.
I am writing this letter to inform you about my concern recently hired employee in oure office. Please let me explain the issue which me and other colegues of mine are facing since his appointment.
4.5
band
Many people no longer read newspapers or watch TV news programmes. Instead they get news about the world from the Internet. Is this a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, because of the modern technology, the way of people receive knowledge and information has dramatically changed. Most people obtain news from the Internet rather than read newspapers or watch television channels. Personally, this will definitely have a negative impact on obtaining information, the following content will outline the reasons.
6.5
band
Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Some people believe that parents of children who attend private schools should not need to contribute to state schools through taxes. Personally, I completely disagree with this view.
8.5
band
You recently did a short cookery courses. The cookery school has asked for your feedback on this course. Write a letter to the course director at the cookery school. In your letter describe what you enjoyed about the course. Say how much cooking you've done since the course. Suggest another cookery course you'd like the school to offer.
I am writing to express my satisfaction with my recently completed six-month culinary program at your school. As a result, I have been cooking nonstop since my classes ended, but I think it would be nice to include more West African menus in the scheduled curriculum in the future.
5.5
band
In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?
There have been people suggesting that all the vehicles that run on the roads such as cars or buses will no longer have human drivers and instead, the vehicles will automated by AI. Although this situation has some drawbacks, the potential of a reduced proportion of traffic accidents outweighs any potential disadvantages.

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many people no longer read newspapers or watch TV news programmes. Instead they get news about the world from the Internet. Is this a positive or negative development?

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?