IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent times, many think that
luck
Use synonyms
 is a major trait to get
succed
Correct your spelling
succeed
 in
one
Use synonyms
’s goal. I completely deny
this
Linking Words
 statement because studious work plays a crucial role
to become
Change preposition
in becoming
show examples
 a successful person in their life. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 think it’s good
luck
Use synonyms
 to succeed, so if
people
Use synonyms
 are dependent on it, they will never be successful in their life.
For instance
Linking Words
, a student who does not study for an exam might fail. Some
people
Use synonyms
 are born in poverty but they always try hard to achieve their dreams.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, you can make money with your skills and efforts, which is pivotal to reaching your aims.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
,
one
Use synonyms
 should not underestimate the role of
luck
Use synonyms
 in achieving
one
Use synonyms
's goal.
While
Linking Words
 it does not help individuals achieve specific goals,
luck
Use synonyms
 has a great impact on their ability to become successful
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, Mozart was able to play music when he was very young,
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 Lionel Messi already had great football skills when he was born. In conclusion,
luck
Use synonyms
 plays an important role in
one
Use synonyms
's success, but I think success only comes to those who are diligent and patient.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentence Variety
Try to use a wider range of sentence structures to improve the complexity and fluency of your writing. This can make your arguments more nuanced and engaging.
Language Precision
Pay attention to the precision in your language. For instance, refining phrases like 'a major trait to get succed' to 'a major factor in achieving success' would enhance clarity and correctness.
Argument Development
Work on developing your arguments more thoroughly. While your essay presents a clear stance, further depth in your explanations and a wider array of examples could strengthen your position.
Introduction Clarity
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay topic and your stance, providing a clear roadmap for your argument.
Example Relevance
You've used relevant examples to support your points, such as referring to famous personalities like Mozart and Lionel Messi, which adds credibility and interest to your argument.
Logical Flow
The essay maintains a logical flow of ideas, making it easy to follow your argument from beginning to end.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • diligence
  • consistent effort
  • inherent talent
  • honing skills
  • external factors
  • upbringing
  • social connections
  • economic background
  • right place at the right time
  • contributing factor
  • conjunction
  • success
  • achievements
  • endeavors
  • fortune
  • serendipity
  • determinants
  • efficacy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: