Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent times, many think that
luck
is a major trait to get succed
in Correct your spelling
succeed
one
’s goal. I completely deny this
statement because studious work plays a crucial role to become
a successful person in their life.
On the Change preposition
in becoming
one
hand, some people
think it’s good luck
to succeed, so if people
are dependent on it, they will never be successful in their life. For instance
, a student who does not study for an exam might fail. Some people
are born in poverty but they always try hard to achieve their dreams. Furthermore
, you can make money with your skills and efforts, which is pivotal to reaching your aims.
Nonetheless
, one
should not underestimate the role of luck
in achieving one
's goal. While
it does not help individuals achieve specific goals, luck
has a great impact on their ability to become successful people
. For example
, Mozart was able to play music when he was very young, or
Lionel Messi already had great football skills when he was born.
In conclusion, Correct word choice
and
luck
plays an important role in one
's success, but I think success only comes to those who are diligent and patient.Submitted by quynhtranhbh on
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Sentence Variety
Try to use a wider range of sentence structures to improve the complexity and fluency of your writing. This can make your arguments more nuanced and engaging.
Language Precision
Pay attention to the precision in your language. For instance, refining phrases like 'a major trait to get succed' to 'a major factor in achieving success' would enhance clarity and correctness.
Argument Development
Work on developing your arguments more thoroughly. While your essay presents a clear stance, further depth in your explanations and a wider array of examples could strengthen your position.
Introduction Clarity
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay topic and your stance, providing a clear roadmap for your argument.
Example Relevance
You've used relevant examples to support your points, such as referring to famous personalities like Mozart and Lionel Messi, which adds credibility and interest to your argument.
Logical Flow
The essay maintains a logical flow of ideas, making it easy to follow your argument from beginning to end.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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