IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals believe that children should be taught by
parents
Use synonyms
 how to be a good part of
society
Use synonyms
, others people have a perception that
schools
Use synonyms
 are the wisest place for
such
Linking Words
 learning. In my opinion, family upbrings is a better choice for juveniles to know how to serve
society
Use synonyms
 in a better way. On the one side, some members of
society
Use synonyms
 have considered that
schools
Use synonyms
 are suitable places for minors to instil quality to be good in
society
Use synonyms
 because the education provided by following standard methods
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to sharpen their cognitive skills.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can understand the concepts of
society
Use synonyms
 and how to develop themselves in a better way.
For instance
Linking Words
, In Nigeria,
schools
Use synonyms
 have routine classes that are particularly based on
society
Use synonyms
 and services which encourage the students to devote services to their surroundings.
However
Linking Words
, still,
such
Linking Words
schools
Use synonyms
 are very rare and equally provide social education, because major
schools
Use synonyms
 are competition-based and academics are their main goal.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 play a critical role in developing their kids as better social people. In
schools
Use synonyms
 average class has more than 20 students which makes it difficult to provide proper schooling by teachers and focus on every child, it can be only possible to teach qualities through teaching.
Parents
Use synonyms
 can form stronger bonds with their children which easier to shape their personalities.
For example
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
' activities
such
Linking Words
 as story narration about superheroes more closely relate to integrating the sense of having a good personality. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
schools
Use synonyms
 have a great role in terms of developing social skills in children to make them good citizens of
society
Use synonyms
, I believe domestic upbrings is the better choice.
Submitted by gsgaganmann on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure clear and logical organization of your essay. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a broader range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Address the task fully by discussing both views equally and providing a clear opinion. Ensure your opinion is stated in the introduction and conclusion for clarity.
task achievement
Utilize specific examples to support both views and your own opinion. This strengthens your argument and provides clarity to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and punctuation to enhance readability and to avoid ambiguity in your writing.
task achievement
Enhance the precision and diversity of your vocabulary to effectively convey your ideas and opinions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: