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Band 6

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is important for people Why might this be the case Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

#countries #home #people #be #case #situation
In
this
 day and age, there are those who say that it is important to have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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ownership of homes more than rental accommodation in some countries. I realise that the causes and effects of having a personal home will be examined throughout
this
 essay. Owning a house is better than renting a residence for several reasons. The most important one is comfortable,
due to
 the amount of personal space. Most
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 tend to exploit spaces in a variety of areas effectively,
for instance
, living rooms, open-space kitchens, and pet areas.
However
, rental residential properties possibly consist of the limitation of room size
as well as
 the restriction of dwellers,
As a result
, the more money people pay, the larger room people get.
Additionally
, some traditional families believe that buying houses is worth rather than renting. If starting a family should stay in the dwelling, it will be more convenient and easier to spend time with more than three
persons
Replace the word
people
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.
Last
 but not least, These cases conceivably lead to the positive aspects to discuss. A
further
 argument for
this
 is privacy. The construction of buildings is not connected obviously. A clear illustration is a comparison between condominiums and houses which are constructed differently whether distance from neighbors and gardening zones. They tend to have leisure time, outside activities, and priceless moments, they are able to stay at their own properties with members of their parents as much as possible. In conclusion,
although
 individuals who have their own home can be beneficial. In my opinion, renting accommodation depends on people's preferences because being the owner of of
houses
Fix the agreement mistake
house
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 has more privacy and effective zones.
Submitted by sasinipapj on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider rephrasing some parts of your essay to enhance clarity and reduce ambiguity. For example, 'The most important one is comfortable, due to the amount of personal space.' could be revised to 'The most significant advantage is the comfort that comes from having ample personal space.'
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your essay by adding clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. This practice helps the reader understand the progression of your argument more easily.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your task achievement, ensure that your essay directly addresses every part of the prompt. This includes discussing why owning a home might be important and also analyzing whether this is positive or negative.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more detailed and specific examples to support your points. Specific examples not only make your argument more convincing but also help the reader understand your viewpoint more clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
What to do next:
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