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Band 7

Nowadays, some buildings such as offices and school have open space design instead of seperate rooms. Why is it so? Do you think it is a positive development or negative?

#buildings #offices #school #space #design #seperate #rooms #development
An
open-space
 design is now a trend in some buildings and schools compared to separate rooms.In my opinion,
this
 is a negative evolution which might lead to a lack of privacy,distraction,and widespread diseases. The main issue that can appear from individuals working in an
open-space
 area is that it can lead to a lack of privacy. An open office environment can make
employees
 feel uncomfortable. Take
for example
 personal matters,
employees
 could feel embarrassed to answer a personal phone call. sometimes not all the
employees
 should know about some confidential information, and
this
 can be difficult to manage in
open-space
 design.
As a result
, working in
open-space
places
 might sometimes lead to a lack of privacy for many
employees
. Another problem is that working in
open-space
places
 might be the cause of distraction. To put it simply,
employees
 can be easily distracted
while
 working in the same area. There are a lot of distractions which can get in the way of focusing only on work namely noise levels, phone notifications and even personal conversations.
In other words
,
employees
 should work in a quiet and organized place to get away from distractions.
Finally
, another problem that might be caused by working in
open-space
places
 is the widespread diseases among
employees
. To give a clear example, during the Covid 19 pandemic, there were a lot of people affected everywhere,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
 but it was easier to get affected in crowded areas than other
places
,
such
 as work in
open-space
 areas.
Thus
, working in
open-space
 areas might be one of the reasons for the widespread of different diseases. In conclusion,even though
open-space
 workplaces in schools and in different buildings are popular nowadays,it has many worrying consequences.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance your essay's coherence and cohesion, consider adding transition phrases or sentences between paragraphs to create a smoother flow of ideas. This helps to guide the reader through your arguments in a more connected and structured manner.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, make sure to address both parts of the question equally. While your essay does tackle why open spaces are becoming common and your stance on it, elaborating more on the positives, even if you disagree, would provide a more balanced and thorough response. This shows the examiner that you can critically analyze both sides of an argument.
Task Achievement
To improve on providing relevant and specific examples, ensure that each argument or point made is accompanied by a concrete example. Examples help to substantiate your claims and make your essay more convincing. Consider using hypothetical scenarios or referencing studies/reports if specific real-world examples are not available.
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