IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that sport has an important role in society. Others, however, feel that it is nothing more than a leisure activity for some people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sport #role #society #leisure #activity
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Opinions are divided on whether sports play an indispensable role in the community or just act as a recreational medium.
However
, in my opinion, sport brings national prosperity in both economic and health aspects.
This
 essay will reckon on both views with justification in the ensuing paragraphs. To commence with, it is an inevitable fact that any type of play has its own symbolic national value as it attracts tourists and foreign investments. It
also
 helps with the engagement of different nations and age groups by proliferating a sense of achievement.
Besides
, not only that but
also
 it proportionally enhances social health outcomes as it encourages people to take part in health-benefits activities.
Moreover
,
this
 encouragement promotes positive lifestyle changes
such
 as relieving stress or an active lifestyle.
In addition
, these types of activities help to nurture a sense of perseverance, motor-skills which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 necessary for people to apply for these occupations.
On the other hand
, others, argue that it is nothing but only recreational activities. Some of them think that the government should fund more in sports sectors to develop their country's economic status which relatively has a detrimental impact on other sectors
such
 as health and education.
This
 point may be valid.
However
, without paying enough attention to sports, the consequences are far-fetched as society becomes less energetic and contracts with illnesses, adversely affecting the government in healthcare services and the economy. In conclusion,
although
 the sport has a downside, an equal level of contribution by the government in all sectors might give positive development in
this
 area.
Submitted by joshiami7570 on

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Introduction/Conclusion Structure
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that distinctively presents your stance on the topic and summarizes the main points discussed.
Logical Structure
Develop a more structured logical flow throughout the essay. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to signal the main idea, and utilize linking words effectively to enhance coherence.
Supporting Main Points
Support your main points more robustly by integrating specific examples or evidence. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
Complete Response
To improve task achievement, ensure that your response thoroughly addresses all aspects of the prompt. Develop your argument with more comprehensive ideas and examples directly related to the question.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
To clarify and comprehensively express your ideas, consider rephrasing or further expanding on them. Ensure each paragraph introduces a clear, distinct idea that contributes to your overall argument.
Relevant Specific Examples
Incorporate more specific, relevant examples that directly support your points. These examples serve as evidence for your arguments and help in making your essay more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • national unity
  • physical health
  • mental health
  • social change
  • gender equality
  • social integration
  • disadvantaged communities
  • cultural barriers
  • escapism
  • commercialization
  • viewership
  • merchandise sales
  • inclusivity
  • accessibility
  • nationalistic fervor
  • racism
  • marginalization
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