IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In recent years, some countries have experienced very rapid economic development. This has resulted in higher standards of living in urban areas but not in the countryside. What problems could this cause? How could these be reduced?

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Lately, because of its rapid economic growth, some countries are experiencing high prices for living in cities but not in rural
areas
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.
This
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 essay will explain why overpopulation is a contributor to the increasing life cost issue and what the government can do to help ease the situation.  Cities are becoming overpopulated
due to
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 the high volume of
people
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 moving into urban
areas
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.
This
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 leads to the increasing cost of living that society is facing nowadays.
For example
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, the higher the demand for housing, the more expensive the property's owner will rent or sell it. Another example
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the high prices of groceries, which have recently been rising even more than expected
due to
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 the high volume of
people
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 ordering at markets.
Thus
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, in some markets, a lot of products are not available. Governments could make policies for companies with a large influence on
people
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 to
move
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 their fabrics to rural
areas
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.
For example
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, car companies
such
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 as Tesla, which
employ
Correct subject-verb agreement
employs
show examples
 more than 10,000
people
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, could
move
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 their fabrics from urban
areas
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 to rural
areas
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.
Therefore
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,
people
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 from those places would not need to
move
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 over to urban
areas
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 to look for a better life. More opportunities can lead to the formation of a community in the countryside. In conclusion. Too many
people
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 relocating to urban
areas
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 can cause society's standards of living to increase and eventually create more issues.
However
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, the government can implement policies for fabrics to be allocated in the countryside, so
people
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 can start making a living in those
areas
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 and not need to
move
Use synonyms
 into urban places to find jobs.

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Task Achievement
While you have addressed the question, your response lacks depth in exploring the given problem and its potential solutions. Aim to provide more comprehensive analysis and exploration of the effects of rapid economic development on urban and rural living standards.
Task Achievement
Ensure your essay includes a wider range of relevant examples to support your points. While the mention of Tesla relocating is a good start, including additional, diverse examples will strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use varied linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your main points further with more detailed explanations and examples. This will help you demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic and provide a more compelling argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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