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Band 6

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new fast trains between cities. others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #sums #money #trains #cities #transport
These days, transportation is one of the crucial concerns in some parts of the globe.
While
 some believe that infrastructure development for high-speed trains is of high importance, I agree with those who feel that investment must be made in current public
transport
. On the one hand, it could be argued that the money should be spent on establishing new railway lines for speedy trains. Those who support
this
 idea say that the greatest benefit of
this
 type of
investing
Replace the word
investment
show examples
 is to reduce travel time and have efficient long-distance travel.
Consequently
, people are able to travel from one side of a country to another in the blink of an eye.
Furthermore
, they
also
 argue that infrastructure development allows individuals to use trains
instead
 of
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
, which have high-cost tickets, especially on holidays.
On the other hand
, I side with those who believe that funds have to be allocated to upgrading shared
transport
. It is a fact that people's satisfaction with their trip is a big deal because it encourages them to use a wide variety of public
transport
.
Moreover
, in my opinion, sustainability and accessibility are other major desires for travellers. Since they need to reach different types of public
transport
 anywhere and anytime.
However
, perhaps my strongest argument for devoting funds to
this
 area is because of
safety
Correct article usage
the safety
show examples
 and reliability that passengers want to have and
this
 is obvious
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 authorities and officials. In conclusion,
although
 investing in new technology for rail systems leads to
time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
show examples
, spending money for upgrading
transport
 systems helps people to acquire safety and accessibility.
Therefore
, on balance, I strongly believe that
Correct article usage
the governemnt
show examples
governemnt
Correct your spelling
government
 should devote a major number to improving existing shared
transport
.
Submitted by mohamadhoseinvaeedi on

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task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to support your points, which can help increase the overall relevance of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance coherence.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task and successfully presents both views on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
The main points in each paragraph are clearly stated and developed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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