IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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Despite the agricultural advancements in recent years, numerous
people
Use synonyms
 are still hungry worldwide. I believe that exploring the causes of
this
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 problem can assist in finding suitable solutions to resolve it. The negligence of some
governments
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 could partly account for their
people
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’s starvation. A number of
governments
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 do not invest sufficient money in the agricultural sector.
This
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 can have negative effects on
food
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 security in their communities.
In other words
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, these
governments
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 are always spending most of their revenues on enforcing military forces and buying weapons.
Consequently
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, some
people
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 in their countries may suffer from
food
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 shortages.
For example
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, in Iran, most
people
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 who live in deprived areas encounter
food
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 insecurity
as a result
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 of the government’s mismanagement. To resolve
this
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 problem,
governments
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 should concentrate on producing agricultural products and care for boosting the efficiency of providing and distributing
food
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 nationwide. A considerable amount of
food
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 waste in many countries can
also
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 explain why there are a huge number of hungry
people
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. Research findings confirm that the annual amount of
food
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 waste all over the world can be adequate for ending starvation. National and international authorities are responsible for
this
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 issue and can rectify the situation. They should raise public awareness about the consequences of wasting
food
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.
For instance
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, they can conduct programs with the focus on encouraging
people
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 to buy and consume the needed amount of
food
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.
Moreover
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, in
such
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 programs, the effective ways of preparing
food
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 can be educated so as to reduce leftovers.
To conclude
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, even though the mismanagement of some
governments
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 and wasting
food
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 contribute to spreading starvation on a global scale,
governments
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 and international authorities can remedy the situation. In my opinion, making
people
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 conscious and focusing on the production of agricultural crops are steps in the right direction.

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Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider varying your sentence structures more and make use of a wider range of linking phrases to seamlessly connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Aim for a balance between simple and complex structures.
Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, try to incorporate more diverse and specific examples that directly support your ideas. This can include statistics, real-life stories, or reports from credible sources to make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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