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Band 7.5

At the present time,the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
Nowadays, the number of youths is increasing day by day in a few states than aged people. There are many benefits including economic development and more population in future. Some individuals argue that a large number of younger are detrimental to every state,
whereas
 adults help whole systems through their experiences. The government can not provide sufficient job opportunities
due to
 raising new youngsters. So, the unemployment of workers is increasing and they do not lead happy lives. They live with depression. Unless youngsters earn adequate money through services,
this
 creates a chance for criminal activities.
Moreover
, when a country produces huge individuals, it raises health and education problems.
Furthermore
, authorities do not ensure proper medical treatment and academic facilities.
As a result
, a nation generates illiterate and malnutrition men.
For instance
, because of a lot of middle-aged humans in Bangladesh, authorities are not capable of providing basic needs.
On the other hand
, the young are blessed for a nation. If they obtain the necessary skills, they will contribute to all sectors.
In addition
, juveniles are more energetic and hard-working. So they can work and earn more than others. They are not only industrious but
also
 good learners.
Besides
, they easily use numerous skills,
such
 as leadership, communication and basic computer techniques. Which helps them in their job sector.
As a result
, they are perfectly considered in a specific duty. New generations are born frequently because of the huge number of middle-aged humans.
For example
, some researchers conducted research and found that the Japanese government signed an agreement to give subsidies for their men and women to produce more children
due to
 economic, educational and industrial development.
As well as
, the conservation of their existence in the world. In conclusion,
although
 older mankind benefit from their good wisdom, I think juveniles contribute a huge amount to national development.
Submitted by Aafuankazinatoshi on

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task response
Clarify the essay structure in the introduction by presenting your argument or stance on the issue. This helps to immediately set the tone and direction of the essay.
task response
Ensure that each paragraph clearly focuses on a single main idea, supported by examples or explanations. Avoid introducing new ideas without sufficient explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs. This includes varying your transitions instead of relying on repetitive phrases.
task response
Be mindful of overgeneralization. Specific, tangible examples strengthen your argument. When discussing benefits or drawbacks, provide concrete instances to support your points.
task response
While your conclusion summarizes your stance well, consider reinforcing it by briefly restating the most compelling arguments from the body of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
To improve clarity and readability, work on sentence structure and word choice. This includes correcting grammatical errors and using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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