IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people see sport as no more than a leisure activity, others, however, believe that it is important for society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, it is debatable that sport could be widely articulated as an action for boosting human morale. Some people believe that it has only been intended to accelerate citizen happiness;
nonetheless
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, there is a statement that athletic exercise could be an indispensable source for human life financially.
In addition
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,
this
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 essay will completely elaborate on the issues and provide an opinion
at the end
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 of the paragraph. On the one hand, some proponents speculate that the movement is specifically aimed at an enjoyable event. Over 50% of teenagers seem to agree with the argument because the sport is
such
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 a hobby, which diminishes their stress promptly, just for fun.
For instance
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, adults play football with their friends to help them boost their morale.
Therefore
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, it is not appropriate if some perspectives bring up the idea of earning money from sports.
On the other hand
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, the opponents contemplate that the leisure activity could be utilized to generate income for society.
This
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 has undoubtedly proven that all footballers around the world have an incredible salary every season. Let's say, Cristiano Ronaldo who generates expenditures of over one billion USD per month, could contribute the money to support his nation. As we know, he initiated the achievements through leisure activity, especially sport.
As a result
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, it is manageable that the hobby could be positively addressed in two different ways at the same time.
To sum up
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, there are views regarding sports manifestations,
such
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 as leisure or earnable activity. My take on
this
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, I individually consider that those purposes might possibly be collaborated at the same position.

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Task Achievement
Ensure clarity in your argument by focusing on the task given. It's important to differentiate between leisure and societal importance of sports clearly throughout your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a more structured approach to paragraphing. Each paragraph should introduce its main idea clearly and stick to it, using examples and explanations related to the topic.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples by making clearer links between them and the points you are trying to make. Avoid general statements and ensure each example directly supports your argument.
Task Achievement
Your conclusion should clearly state your opinion and sum up the arguments presented in the body paragraphs. Make sure your stance is clear and directly addresses the essay prompt.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Leisure activity
  • Physical fitness
  • Well-being
  • Stress management
  • Relaxation
  • Community
  • Social cohesion
  • Values
  • Skills
  • National identity
  • Pride
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