Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, gadgets have become a must-have item for

children

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This

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essay will explain why

children

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are addicted to their devices for hours and why I have good thoughts about

this

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. The biggest reason for gadget addiction is the lack of attention from their

parents

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. In the middle of modernization in all sectors of life,

parents

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should work harder to fulfil their needs. It means, like a family with

children

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, the

parents

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would spend extra work and do other activities. It reduced their time to play with their

children

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. The

parents

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decided to give the

children

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a device that has plenty of entertainment and interesting features

due to

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their unavailability.

For example

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, a nine-year-old boy prefers to play online games with their friends

while

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waiting for their

parents

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to come home and continue playing even when his

parents

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are already at home. His

parents

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are bringing their work home, so

this

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boy cannot intervene in their business. The existence of smartphones could be one of the solutions, but the

children

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lose their precious moments to be with their

parents

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and

this

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addiction becomes uncontrollable.

While

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the addictive usage of smartphones may bring negative issues, it brings advantages for

children

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who are passionate about science and technology. The

children

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could explore more from their gadgets. In

this

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situation,

however

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parents

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still can control their screen time.

Parents

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can give some hours for their

children

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to spend and explore the excitement and after that

parents

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and

children

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have a moment together. For

children

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who love science, they can broaden their knowledge by surfing the online encyclopedia.

Also

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, there are sorts of applications which have simulation features, so the

children

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can experiment without using the real ones. The

children

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who are curious about technology,

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

could explore on the internet how to build an application or games. In my experience, my seven-year-old son who is excited about science and technology found countless knowledge about math, space, physics, and chemistry. He

also

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developed a simple game for

children

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that contains physics and space material, so they could play and learn simultaneously. In conclusion, the addictive usage of smartphones can contribute to

children

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’s cognitive development and

parents

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can manage their screen time.

While

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smart devices can be an alternative for

parents

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to keep their

children

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entertained during their busy schedules and they may lose their togetherness, the positive thoughts for

children

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’s development are more significant.

irrenevlovaniSun Feb 16 2025

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vocabulary

Consider providing more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance engagement.

clarity

Clarify your main arguments more explicitly to strengthen the overall coherence of your essay.

balance

Provide a more balanced argument by addressing potential downsides of screen time alongside the positives.

introduction

The essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear opinion.

support

The examples used are relevant and support your arguments well, particularly the anecdote about your son.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

399 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that to protect local culture, tourism should be banned in some areas whereas others think that change is inevitable and banning tourism will have no benefits. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.