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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many of the products we buy nowadays break or wear out very quickly. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this for manufacturers and the public?

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It is often said that
items
Use synonyms
 that are produced today are easily broken.
This
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 essay examines the positive consequences including affordability and profitability,
as well as
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 the negatives including overspending, environmental concerns and distrust of industry. There are several advantages for both the public and producers of lower-quality products.
For instance
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, in Japan where 100 yen shops are prevalent, people are able to purchase more
items
Use synonyms
 at a lower cost from utensils to fashions.
Furthermore
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, they can try various
items
Use synonyms
 of different designs and effects with more ease without having many financial concerns. As their incentives for shopping rise, manufacturers can boost their profits, which promotes them to take more active marketing strategies including inventing more novel
items
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 and increasing their advertising.
In contrast
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, there are drawbacks to be highlighted, resulting from
such
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 a modern trend. In fact, the frustration among consumers grows dramatically when they realize that the
items
Use synonyms
 are not durable enough to facilitate their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Moreover
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, they have to replace them frequently, which increases their spending.
In addition
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, there is an escalating concern for environmental damage with increasing waste being created by consumers buying more fragile merchandise made of plastic and nylon. These factors lead to a rising sense of distrust of the public users toward the companies.
Consequently
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, the industries will face detrimental impacts as they need to deal with a number of complaints, which makes it hard for them to manage and expand their business. In conclusion, the consumers are more easily able to afford the breakable products in contemporary markets and their increasing habit of shopping for them will make the business more lucrative for the companies.
However
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, it leads to their increasing expenditure and poses serious effects on nature, which makes them more suspicious of the manufacturers.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on diversification and complexity of sentence structures to enhance the overall readability and sophistication of your essay. While the current structure adequately conveys the message, more varied sentence types could provide a more engaging read.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and data to back up your points. While the essay mentions general advantages and disadvantages, adding more detailed examples can strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have done well in structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in the reader's understanding.
Task Achievement
The essay successfully addresses the prompt, outlining both the advantages and disadvantages for manufacturers and the public, fulfilling the task requirements.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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