IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some countries invest in specialized sport facilities for top athletes but not for the average person. Is this a positive or a negative development ?

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Task 2 Some countries invest in specialized
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
Use synonyms
 for top
athletes
Use synonyms
 but not for the average person. Is
this
Linking Words
 a positive or a negative development ? It is true that some countries support professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 by investing in dedicated
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
a
Correct your spelling
as
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 gymnasiums, fitness diagnostics centres and training camps, though
this
Linking Words
 privilege does not extend to everyday people. In my view,
this
Linking Words
 development is generally desirable, though, everyone should receive equal attention on matters of fitness and
sports
Use synonyms
. Admittedly, equal access to specialized
sports
Use synonyms
 venues can bring about benefits. The most immediate benefit is to
overall
Linking Words
 public
health
Use synonyms
. Once people
are
Verb problem
have
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 access to professional gymnasiums notwithstanding their training goals - whether it would be compete or for its own sake - they are more driven to do exercise.
This
Linking Words
 is followed by gains in their personal
health
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. Having cultivated a culture of fitness and
health
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 way, a country will see the
health
Use synonyms
 improvements of its citizens.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should continue investing in specialized
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 for competitive
athletes
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
athletes
Use synonyms
 stand better a chance of winning when they can train at a dedicated training venue as their training is made efficient with the help of special equipment,
such
Linking Words
 as treadmills and workout machines. Efficiency in training gives
athletes
Use synonyms
 an edge over their opponents, enabling them to win.
Besides
Linking Words
, spending
training
Change preposition
on training
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facilities
Use synonyms
 might have limited uses for the common man. It might be a waste of resources to subsidize
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I think that the latest tendency among certain governments to invest in
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 for superior sportspersons leaving average people behind is a negative trend
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because every citizen should have equal rights.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in terms of revenue from international events, funding these elite
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 objects is not profitable. 267 words

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Task Response
Ensure a clear thesis statement to present your viewpoint unequivocally in the introduction.
Task Response
Develop your points further by providing more specific examples. In paragraphs discussing benefits or drawbacks, include distinct and concrete examples to substantiate your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain clarity in arguments by using paragraphing effectively to delineate your ideas. Having a clear topic sentence for each paragraph helps.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to ensure the smooth flow of ideas and to establish clear relationships between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Response
Consider introducing a counter-argument or an alternative perspective in your body paragraphs to enrich the discussion and demonstrate analytical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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