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Band 7.5

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

#people #money #factors #happiness
There is a view that
money
 is one of the most important aspects of making one happy.
However
, not all
people
 need to accumulate wealth to be happy because
happiness
 is an individual concept
that is
 understood differently.
Nevertheless
,
money
 is significant for the majority,
along with
 health and relationships with
people
. Being rich may be associated with
happiness
, but it is not always a necessity.
In other words
,
people
 can be happy without having millions in the bank, and
that is
 possible because
people
 have specific preferences and backgrounds.
For instance
, an artist who grew up passionate about art can be happy thanks to having an opportunity to draw, even if their work is not sold.
Similarly
, a person who is fond of football can be excited about a game in a local stadium
that is
 free to use. These examples suggest that
happiness
 depends more on what
people
 like rather than the amount of
money
 they have. Even though being wealthy is not as important as some
people
 think,
money
 is still an important component in the given conversation, as it helps
people
 maintain a certain lifestyle where they can satisfy their basic needs.
However
, there are additional factors that may be even more important than
money
, and those are health and personal relationships. Put simply,
people
 are happier when they are healthy, and one’s mental or physical condition does not fully depend on
money
. With regard to personal relationships, it is obvious that humans are social creatures, and they need a certain amount of communication in their regular lives.
Thus
, when they are surrounded by
people
 they love and get on well with, they are more likely to be happy. In conclusion,
happiness
 is a unique concept that cannot be achieved in the same way, yet there are certain elements,
such
 as the ones mentioned above, that can contribute to one’s well-being. 315 words.
Submitted by g4832525 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure to directly address every aspect of the prompt more explicitly. Your essay could benefit from even more specific examples that closely relate to how individuals can achieve happiness without much money.
Coherence & Cohesion
While the essay demonstrates a clear logical structure, to improve coherence and cohesion, consider varying your use of cohesive devices. Introduce a wider range of linking words and phrases to ensure smoother transitions between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Promoting happiness
  • Essential factors
  • Financial stability
  • Material wealth
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Contentment
  • Basic needs
  • Maslow's hierarchy of needs
  • Social connections
  • Pursuing passions
  • Well-being
  • Mental health
  • Spiritual practices
  • Personal growth
  • Community service
  • Societal contribution
  • Philanthropy
  • Joy
  • Satisfaction
  • Prosperity
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