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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In certain nations, parents have high academic expectations for their children, resulting in limited leisure time. What could be the potential benefits and drawbacks of this for the children and the society they are part of?

#nations #parents #expectations #children #leisure #time #society #part
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Some young people in certain countries are forced to sacrifice their leisure time because of high academic expectations from their
parents
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.
This
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 essay will attempt to explain
this
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 phenomenon causing both the advantages and disadvantages for the
kids
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 and
society
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. First of all, at one school, most
children
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 are encouraged to invest more time in studying by their
parents
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’ requirements.
As a result
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, the standard of pupils’ performances grows entirely,
although
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 there are still a few students who fail exams.
Moreover
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, their
society
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 will become more competitive and develop more than others.
For example
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, Taiwanese talent is well-known worldwide, and it is attributed to
kids
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 striving for higher scores to prevent their
parents
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 from being shamed.
On the other hand
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, it is stressful and exhausting for
children
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 to spend their free time achieving their
parents
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’ expectations.
Subsequently
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, they suffer from some mental problems because they can relax in what they are interested in.
Furthermore
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, mental health issues of students cost a lot of the budget of their government and affect the well-being policy in their
society
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,
according to
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 the report released in 2023 by the Korean Psychological Agency, over 43% of teenagers who felt disappointed and lost their confidence because their
parents
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 were not sufficient with their academic performance. In brief,
children
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 and
society
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 would be harmed when
parents
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’ requirements are overloaded for
kids
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. In conclusion,
parents
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' expectations for
children
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 at school not only stimulate students' performance but
also
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 influence
society
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 positively.
However
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, if they are overwhelming,
society
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 and
kids
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 would be harmed.
Submitted by J.C.Li.1997.11 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a basic structure but lacks clear and well-developed paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and fully extends and supports that idea.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved. Make sure your introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and your conclusion summarises the main points without adding new information.
task achievement
While you address the task, your response needs to be developed further. Expand on your ideas to demonstrate an in-depth analysis of the topic.
task achievement
Make sure that your ideas are clear and easy for the reader to understand. Avoid overly complex sentences that can confuse the reader and detract from your overall message.
task achievement
Use examples that are directly relevant to the topic and integrate them more seamlessly into your argument to strengthen your points.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic expectations, leisure time, intelligence, educational attainment, prestigious careers, time management, discipline, stress, burnout, interpersonal skills, creativity, playtime, well-educated workforce, technological advancement, economic competitiveness, well-rounded individuals, mental health, competition, social inequality, non-academic talents, the arts.
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