IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Governments should speand money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #speand #money #railways #roads
There is a consideration surrounding whether governments should spend fees on constructing
railways
instead
 of roads or not . The writer of
this
 essay agrees with that notion as
this
 will protect the
environment
 alongside
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 the working quality One of the core reasons
apply
Change the verb form
applies
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 for why
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 spending money on building
railways
 would be better
due to
 its role when it comes to
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 .
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the huge
quanity
Correct your spelling
quantity
 of transportation which
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fuel
such
 as gases
move
Wrong verb form
moving
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 on the road will emit an immense
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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greenhouse gases .
Thus
 , if the government can put more expenditure on the
railways
 , it will solve
this
 compelling issue as people can go around with train routes which do not emit much harmful gases into
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
show examples
 .
Therefore
 , the fresh
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
atmosphere can be ensured , providing a clean living
environment
 for the whole society. It must be recognised that the construction of
railways
 plays a significant role in enhancing the quality of one's job . To put it
planly
Correct your spelling
plainly
, since people have to go to their workplace by their own transportation , it is reasonable that the emergence of the peak time , especially in the
moring
Correct your spelling
morning
, will prevent them from going to the workplace punctually .
This
 means by building the
railways
 , the government can ensure the punctuality of residents when it comes to occupation .
As a result
 , building
railways
 rather than roads will bring
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of benefits to one's nation In conclusion , spending more money on constructing
railways
instead
 of roads should be an ideal path for the development of a country
as a result
 of protecting
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
along with
 advancing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job's
Change noun form
job
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 quality
Submitted by  11E4 Community on

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coherence cohesion
To improve 'logical structure', create a clear outline before writing. Organize your essay into paragraphs with distinct topics, ensuring a smooth transition between points. Avoid abrupt jumps in thought.
coherence cohesion
Introducing a brief overview or conclusion can enhance 'introduction and conclusion presence'. Use predictable phrases to clearly signal the opening and closing of your essay, helping readers understand your intention.
coherence cohesion
For supported main points, expand your ideas with more detailed explanations, specific examples, or evidence. This adds depth to your argument and supports your viewpoint more convincingly.
task achievement
Ensure a 'complete response' by fully addressing the task. This includes making clear arguments, discussing different viewpoints if necessary, and reaching a conclusive stance.
task achievement
Increase 'clarity and comprehensive ideas' by refining your arguments. Make your key points more evident and articulate them with precision, avoiding ambiguity or overly complex language.
task achievement
Incorporate 'relevant specific examples' that are directly tied to your main points. Examples should be concrete, detailed, and effectively illustrate your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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