Some people think that the success of life is based on hard work and determination. Others, however, believe that there are more important factors, such as having money or a good appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
There are different arguments either successful lives can be achieved only by hard work and perseverance or by another contributing factor. Even though both methods can be helpful, in my opinion, the former methods are more recommended because the outcomes may linger for a long time.
On the one hand, several contributing
factors
easily attract people to provide the required help and support. The financial condition is one of the notorious factors
that can be seen among South Korean companies when they try to expand their market to a global level. For example
, huge
profits made by Blackpink through their popular single in 2020 Correct article usage
the huge
finally
made their original agency, YG Entertainment, co-operate with Interscope in order to expand their market and music industry globally. Another factor is the
physical appearance, which is the second biggest determiner of people’s triumph. Still from Blackpink, their distinctive beauty that exceeds Korean standards later escalates their career to work with several luxury brands. Correct article usage
apply
However
, I do not think the impacts of those factors
will make the triumph
era Capitalize word
Triumph
last
for a longer time because it can unexpectedly change in the future.
On the other hand
, working hard and having a high level of determination assure someone to attain their success because it can sharpen their required potential. Moreover
, the acquired competencies and experiences will remain in the long run, as it only depends on oneself and not on other things. For instance
, I study hard and practice continuously a year before my IELTS exam in order to familiarise myself with the question types as well as
train my skills to give proper responses to each task; therefore
, it makes me achieve a good band score as a final result. Thus
, I think achieving a successful life this
way is highly recommended,
since the effects are likely to Remove the comma
apply
last
in the long term.
In conclusion, while
other factors
can easily attract people to provide the necessary aids
and support for a thriving life, I believe it is best to obtain it with hard work and determination in order to preserve Fix the agreement mistake
aid
for
a longer period.Correct pronoun usage
it for
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, you should more explicitly address all parts of the prompt. Make sure to discuss both viewpoints thoroughly before presenting your own opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
For a higher score in Coherence and Cohesion, focus on creating more natural transitions between your ideas. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your paragraphs and sentences seamlessly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by clearly outlining your main points in the introduction and summarizing them in the conclusion. This makes your argument easier to follow.