Some children spend hours every day on their smart phones. Why is this, the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example for your own knowledge or experience

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Progressing technology and the availability of electronic gadgets have resulted in spending excess time on cell phones or tablets, especially, among the younger generations.
While
some would argue that the
overall
impact of
this
trend has been positive, in
this
essay I would contend that utilizing smartphones by school
children
would constitute some potential risks and
also
explain some sources of
this
phenomenon. First of all, it is an indisputable fact that the pandemic of Covid 19 in 2020 had a significant role in the prevailing cellphones among school
children
. Breaking out
this
fatal disease and closing the educational institutions
consequently
, confronted the education systems all over the world with recession. In order to deter the crisis of illiteracy, online education,
therefore
, became a constructive solution in that situation. So,
this
became a persuasive excuse for utilizing electrical gadgets including tablets or cell phones by
children
for the purposes of education.
Furthermore
, good-looking games, provided for younger age groups have attracted their attention exponentially and distract them from more crucial educational subjects. More importantly, technology has revolutionized the way we communicate and facilitated the flow of information.
Nonetheless
, it has been accompanied by some challenges like social isolation; a situation seen in consumers who, spend too much time on their cell phones, Rather than relating to peers in the real world. Continuing
this
trend, particularly without supervision on the part of parents, educational systems,
as well as
governments, will decrease their collaborative skills and sense of community. Admittedly, unlimited availability of these gadgets accompanied with access to the internet could expose
children
to a vast amount of information that some would consider offensive or dangerous ranging from pornography to instructions on how to make a bomb. By the way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that there is no necessity to possess smartphones from
such
an early age.
Instead
encouraging
children
to take part in real physical or mental activities would be more advisable and justifiable.
Submitted by golriiz23 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, aim at linking ideas more effectively within and between paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words, not just basic ones like 'Furthermore' and 'More importantly'. Experiment with synonyms and parenthetical statements to provide a smoother reading experience.
task achievement
For a higher task achievement score, ensure that examples provided are specific and directly linked to the points made. Use real-world data or hypothetical situations to strengthen your arguments, making them more persuasive and relevant.
language accuracy
Consider revising the essay for minor grammatical errors and ensuring that each sentence effectively contributes to your argument. Precision in language will not only make your essay easier to understand but also more professional.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: