IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem? You should write at least 254 words.

#students #attention #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
problem
Use synonyms
 of focusing on at
school
Use synonyms
 has been alarming in recent years. Numerous
pupils
Use synonyms
 are struggling to concentrate on subjects and
this
Linking Words
 definitely affects their performance negatively at
school
Use synonyms
. Among many reasons for
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
, addiction to devices and sleep deprivation are the chief ones. To tackle
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
, teachers and
parents
Use synonyms
 should collaborate. Admittedly, many teenagers are being captivated by technology use.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, it is hard for
pupils
Use synonyms
 to pay attention to subjects at
school
Use synonyms
. Many
school
Use synonyms
 students tend to utilize their gadgets to check their online messages or play games during lessons.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they are having trouble focusing on their study and performing well at
school
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 recent statistics, the exam results of
pupils
Use synonyms
 are considerably worse now compared to in the past. To deal with
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
,the
school
Use synonyms
 administration should ban gadgets unless there is an emergency and introduce
this
Linking Words
 rule to both
pupils
Use synonyms
 and their
parents
Use synonyms
 properly. Another main
problem
Use synonyms
 teenagers often experience is a lack of sleep or irregular sleep patterns. The reason for the
problem
Use synonyms
 is wrong discipline and technology overuse since a lot of young people do not have good time management which helps them to accomplish their tasks on time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, teenagers play online games or watch a kind of movie at night.
As a result
Linking Words
, it would be challenging to concentrate on their studies at
school
Use synonyms
. Obviously, the
school
Use synonyms
 administration is not responsible for
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should control their children's routines and set rules for them. In summary, there are several reasons for having a lack of concentration including utilizing devices and lack of sleep at
school
Use synonyms
. The relevant solutions for these problems are strict rules and control by
parents
Use synonyms
 and
school
Use synonyms
 administration.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
For task achievement, ensure your essay thoroughly addresses all parts of the task. Although your essay covers the main points, further elaboration of solutions and incorporation of more detailed and specific examples could enhance the completeness of your response.
coherence and cohesion
When working on coherence and cohesion, make sure ideas flow logically from one paragraph to another. Use a broader range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases to smoothly guide the reader through your arguments. Adding more specific examples that support your main points will also help strengthen the cohesion of your essay.
supporting main points
To improve on supporting main points, include more varied and detailed examples. Personal experiences or statistics, even if hypothetical, can help make your arguments more convincing and illustrate your points more vividly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological distractions
  • proliferation
  • digital devices
  • social media
  • messaging
  • unengaging
  • teaching methods
  • classroom environment
  • overcrowded classrooms
  • insufficient lighting
  • uncomfortable seating
  • mental health issues
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • sleep deprivation
  • impair concentration
  • attention span
  • engagement
  • interactive learning
  • well-being
  • sufficient rest
  • coping mechanisms
  • modernize curricula
  • mental health support
  • focus-enhancing strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: