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Band 6.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
Nowadays, more and more
children
 are using
smartphones
 and spend hours every day on the internet. Some
people
 think it is a positive
development
, but in my opinion, I think it is a negative
development
. There are several reasons
people
 think
children
 spending a lot of time on
smartphones
 is a positive
development
. The first
reason
 is that
people
 think
children
 can absorb knowledge and know the news recently.
Children
 can absorb the knowledge by searching online or learning the news by watching videos.
For instance
,
children
 can search the information through Google or ChatGPT these kinds of websites, or watch short video apps like TikTok to learn the news immediately. The second
reason
 is that
children
 can contact their parents or friends through
smartphones
. It is convenient for them because they can contact each other without meeting others.
However
, I believe that
children
 spending hours every day on their
smartphones
 is a negative
development
. One
reason
 is that it will decrease the time
children
 go outside to absorb fresh air.
Children
 would not go outside because they are addicted to
smartphones
 which causes them not to want to go outside. The second
reason
 is that it will influence
children
's eye vision. If
children
 spend too much time on their
smartphones
 or too close
while
 using
smartphones
 it will make their eye vision poor. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 think
children
 spending hours every day on their
smartphones
 is a positive
development
, I still think it is a negative
development
.
Submitted by vickychen941008 on

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Task Achievement
Expand on your arguments with further explanation or analysis. While you introduced relevant examples, deeper analysis would enhance your essay's persuasiveness and depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider a more varied sentence structure and use of linking words to improve the flow and coherence of your essay. While the logical structure is present, more sophisticated transitions could enhance cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Although your introduction and conclusion are both present, you could make them stronger. In the introduction, clearly state your thesis and outline the points you will discuss. In the conclusion, summarize the main points without introducing new information, and restate your opinion more forcefully.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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