Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, more and more
children
are using
smartphones
and spend hours every day on the internet. Some
people
think it is a positive
development
, but in my opinion, I think it is a negative
development
. There are several reasons
people
think
children
spending a lot of time on
smartphones
is a positive
development
. The first
reason
is that
people
think
children
can absorb knowledge and know the news recently.
Children
can absorb the knowledge by searching online or learning the news by watching videos.
For instance
,
children
can search the information through Google or ChatGPT these kinds of websites, or watch short video apps like TikTok to learn the news immediately. The second
reason
is that
children
can contact their parents or friends through
smartphones
. It is convenient for them because they can contact each other without meeting others.
However
, I believe that
children
spending hours every day on their
smartphones
is a negative
development
. One
reason
is that it will decrease the time
children
go outside to absorb fresh air.
Children
would not go outside because they are addicted to
smartphones
which causes them not to want to go outside. The second
reason
is that it will influence
children
's eye vision. If
children
spend too much time on their
smartphones
or too close
while
using
smartphones
it will make their eye vision poor. In conclusion,
although
some
people
think
children
spending hours every day on their
smartphones
is a positive
development
, I still think it is a negative
development
.
Submitted by vickychen941008 on

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Expand on your arguments with further explanation or analysis. While you introduced relevant examples, deeper analysis would enhance your essay's persuasiveness and depth.
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Consider a more varied sentence structure and use of linking words to improve the flow and coherence of your essay. While the logical structure is present, more sophisticated transitions could enhance cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Although your introduction and conclusion are both present, you could make them stronger. In the introduction, clearly state your thesis and outline the points you will discuss. In the conclusion, summarize the main points without introducing new information, and restate your opinion more forcefully.

Fully explain your ideas

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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