IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of playing sports and participating in physical exercises.

#sports #exercises
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is
one
Use synonyms
 of the most discussed and debated topics: how regular exercise and
sports
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 can impact
one
Use synonyms
's life.It is an undeniable fact,
across
Correct word choice
that across
show examples
 all age groups, exercise or self nourishing can be used as a yardstick to measure an individual's physical and mental health.I am of the opinion that there are more advantages than disadvantages, which I would like to explain in the following paragraphs. It is quite obvious that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are both mentally and physically considerable benefits to engaging in playing or taking part in
sports
Use synonyms
 games.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a good routine, which includes regular exercises,diet,proper sleep,yoga, meditation, etc., reflects a person's
overall
Linking Words
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 and can increase
one
Use synonyms
's cognitive capabilities.In today's era,individuals tend to suffer from severe diseases like heart attacks, strokes, depression, etc.,
due to
Linking Words
 their sedentary lifestyle. Nowadays, in schools, universities, and institutes, it is mandatory for children and young adults to take part in extracurricular
activities
Use synonyms
 that help them build their mental and physical stamina.
For example
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
MNC's
Change noun form
MNCs
show examples
 like EY and KPMG,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 encourage their employees to participate in events like marathons and trekking, which helps them to build their core strengths.
However
Linking Words
, it is evident that excess of anything is bad, which means exercise should be done in a meticulous manner and in the right proportion.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, physical
activities
Use synonyms
 carry adversities like health issues and injuries.The main problem is that
while
Linking Words
 playing
sports
Use synonyms
 like hockey, cricket,etc., without proper preparation for the
activities
Use synonyms
,
one
Use synonyms
 might end up injuring oneself.
Moreover
Linking Words
, gymnastics or learning a sport is quite unaffordable for the middle class.
For instance
Linking Words
, in developing countries,
sports
Use synonyms
 like tennis are expensive and considered an upper-class game. In conclusion, the merits of taking up
sports
Use synonyms
, or physical exercises outweigh the drawbacks, as they exert positive influences on the mental and physical health of the player.
Thus
Linking Words
, everyone should take risks into consideration to reap the benefits of
such
Linking Words
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
.
Submitted by crpnivedya.prasannan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
For a higher score in Task Achievement, make sure to provide more specific examples that strongly support your arguments. While you've used examples of the corporate sector encouraging physical activity, incorporating diverse examples from different walks of life or studies can further strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve Coherence and Cohesion, consider varying your sentence structures and connectors more to enhance the flow between ideas. Although your essay is well-structured, greater variety in sentence forms and linking words could boost readability and coherence.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: