IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore, workine hours should be reduced To what extent do vou agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The evergrowing technological innovations and automation have caused a decline in the need for
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the workforce today.
Hence
Linking Words
, many are of the
opinion
Use synonyms
 that
this
Linking Words
 should reduce working
hours
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 I understand the rationale behind
this
Linking Words
opinion
Use synonyms
, I do not strongly agree with it.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because it does not apply to all of life. In the coming paragraphs, I will be shedding more light on my reasons for not agreeing with
this
Linking Words
opinion
Use synonyms
 strongly. Artificial intelligence has developed remarkably in the
last
Linking Words
 few years with computers and other devices and applications filling gaps that human beings once filled and doing it excellently and without flaw.
For example
Linking Words
, book and record keeping are gradually phasing out as jobs since most records are now kept online. Customer service hotlines are
also
Linking Words
 mostly automated these days and even when not, technological advancements have made it so that most calls and emails can be sent from home or anywhere else effectively and efficiently. I am of the
opinion
Use synonyms
 that individuals in
this
Linking Words
 line of work should have physical working
hours
Use synonyms
 since they can be proficient at work regardless of their location.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, professionals like doctors, therapists,
teachers
Correct word choice
and teachers
show examples
 amongst others cannot .
This
Linking Words
 is because despite the fact that artificial intelligence has advanced to the point where it has made
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 and useful impact in these fields, it can never replace the need for physical and clinical examination in medicine, signs and cues picked up during physical interactions with a therapist and the social interaction and cognitive skills gained by children when being taught by a teacher in a classroom.These facts are undeniable and these professionals cannot afford the luxury of working
hours
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe that work should be done efficiently and effectively. With the help of technology,
this
Linking Words
 can mean less hassle, or none at all depending on the nature of said job. The extent to which technological advancements can impact working
hours
Use synonyms
 is dependent on its ability to do the job effectively and efficiently without flaw. The job should never suffer
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion, which is good. However, ensure you expand a bit more on your argument about why you don't fully agree. This will strengthen the overall task response.
relevant specific examples
Try to better balance the discussion about jobs where automation has significantly reduced working hours and jobs where it hasn’t. At times, the examples provided lean more towards one side.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are complex, which is great, but also ensure clarity and grammatical accuracy in all parts. Simplifying a few sentences can help maintain clarity.
introduction conclusion present
The structure of your essay is clear, with well-defined introduction, body, and conclusion. It guides the reader smoothly through your arguments.
supported main points
Your essay provides relevant examples, particularly in how technology has changed work dynamics in specific sectors like customer service.
logical structure
You've identified key areas where technology cannot replace human interaction, like in medicine and education, which are strong points in your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: