Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Many people in the world are utilizing social
media
as a tool for
communication
as well as
informing them of current affairs. The writer believes social networking
sites
pose a great risk of privacy invasion
along with
misinformation despite their capabilities as a superior
communication
technology. When it comes to social
media
, there is no doubt that the
users
' privacy is not secured by any means.
That is
because people tend to post their personal
information
on social networking
sites
that promise to protect their personal
information
and only show their profiles to friends
also
relatives
although
many reports indicate those platforms rarely improve
information
security.
Furthermore
, even if the
users
publish nothing about their lives, data analyzers can figure out the
users
' private lives through several hints left
such
as recent interests in marketing.
As a result
, the
users
are eventually bombarded with tons of cold calls and financial scams. Another disadvantage of social
media
stems from its insufficient authenticity. It must be understood how news is published directly by well-known telecoms or the user with no permission or reliable robots to check and remove the distorted
information
on the grounds that the social
media
providers are not willing to invest a huge budget to continuously maintain censorship which brings little profit for them.
Thus
, misinformation will be widespread on social networking, causing detrimental impacts on society
along with
the economy, unless the government requests to discard it.
However
, some people consider the benefits of social
media
in terms of
communication
.
In other words
, social networking
sites
work as intermediaries between peers and different generations for social purposes
due to
their precise, swift transmission of data over a distance via the Internet. It is true that they enhance both speed and the amount of
information
in
communication
, but they
also
preclude face-to-face contact, eventually bringing about many medical problems associated with mental health.
Consequently
,
this
impairs heavily factual
communication
, leading to social disability in humans who depend on social networking
sites
. In conclusion, the beneficial aspect of
communication
on social networking platforms is overshadowed by the drawbacks of intrusion into privacy and the lack of reliability. There must be a change in laws regarding social
media
to prompt it to upgrade its
users
' security before becoming a safe social tool.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay nicely addresses the topic, but it could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally good, but some paragraphs could benefit from stronger topic sentences to enhance clarity.
task achievement
You have clearly presented both sides of the argument and provided a thoughtful conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-formed, setting up the context and summarizing effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitate
  • geographically separated
  • fostering
  • connectivity
  • instant communication
  • real-time information
  • misinformation
  • rigorous checks and balances
  • fake news
  • addictive nature
  • detract
  • face-to-face interactions
  • mental health
  • awareness of limitations
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!