IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel aborad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?

It is essential for people to take a break from their fast-paced lives and go to different holiday destinations. Despite the benefits of exploring your own homeland, nations in the future will be attracted by the prospect of visiting foreign countries. I firmly agree that travelling abroad will be a trend in the upcoming years for several reasons, which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, the population nowadays complain of anxiety and the burdens of social life requirements, leading them not only to mental issues but
also
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 to lose their careers.
Therefore
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, witnessing different climate conditions and fascinating geographical natures is considered to be a great health treatment. To illustrate, being involved in rural landscapes might increase peace, relaxation and a positive mindset.
Moreover
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, exploring weather seasons is
also
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 suggested to be supportive in reducing the levels of pressure. A pertinent instance of
this
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 could be stated in the sound of raindrops,
as well as
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 the sound of winds; those sounds play a significant role in humans' well-being. To expand, international destinations can be a doorway for learning new cultural values and traditions. In fact, it is always attractive to observe different tribes and groups of communities practising their own religious and cultural activities. Marrakesh,
for instance
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, is a well-known city in Morocco for its mixed lifestyles, as you can see local citizens there dancing around a fire and singing heritage lyrics, all together in one voice.
Furthermore
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, you will see their way of clothing, all wearing an attractive costume called 'Jalabah'. It is quite great to be widely open to
such
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 actions in real-world life. In conclusion, I completely agree that travelling abroad will be an essential escape from daily chaos.
In other words
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, visiting other countries can be a vital aspect of an individual's mentality and cultural knowledge.

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task response
Task response: Your view is clear, but you must be sure the task asks if more people will stay in their country or travel abroad. State your position simply and give reasons. Add a short end on what will happen in the future.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Each idea should fit the task well. Start with a short lead sentence for each paragraph. Use simple connectors like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'for example' to join ideas. Keep sentences short and clear.
structure
Clear layout: intro, 2 body parts, and ending.
content
Uses examples (like Marrakesh) and ideas about health and culture.
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