The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices are harmful to individuals and to the society, they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Some

people

Use synonyms

argue that easy access to

entertainment

Use synonyms

on personal gadgets is dangerous for individuals and their communities. I completely agree with

this

Linking Words

view and believe that it has harmful consequences on the lifestyle, mental well-being of a person, and communication skills in a society. One reason to support

this

Linking Words

argument is that it disrupts one’s daily routine.

For example

Linking Words

, my nephew plays various video games on his phone until late at night, which has led to a disturbance of his sleep pattern and a significant reduction in his academic productivity.

Additionally

Linking Words

, if

people

Use synonyms

engage in

entertainment

Use synonyms

during school and work hours, they will lack

time

Use synonyms

to achieve their goals.

In other words

Linking Words

, their mental health may be affected, causing conditions

such

Linking Words

as anxiety, stress and aggression over

time

Use synonyms

Furthermore

Linking Words

, these unhealthy behaviours that are a result of excessive engagement can

also

Linking Words

contribute to enhancing the rate of crimes and violence levels to some extent in their communities. Another reason for my agreement with

this

Linking Words

view is the reduction of social interaction.

For instance

Linking Words

, playing on their own with their phone becomes a habit over

time

Use synonyms

for children, and eventually, they tend to play less with their friends than before. These individuals prefer spending

time

Use synonyms

with their devices and are interested in pursuing competitions to win in virtual space.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, it can be seen in family or friendly gatherings that close relationships are fading, and

people

Use synonyms

become more distant from each other.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, some may disagree with

this

Linking Words

opinion, because they think that virtual activities offer an opportunity to learn new things and broaden perspectives, increasing creativity.

However

Linking Words

, I believe that

this

Linking Words

would involve unlimited

time

Use synonyms

, and unfortunately,

people

Use synonyms

would have to neglect other aspects of their duties at workplaces, schools, life, and society.

Therefore

Linking Words

, facilitating access to

such

Linking Words

entertainment

Use synonyms

should be limited to promote a more fulfilling lifestyle. In conclusion, I completely feel that facilitating access to electronic forms of

entertainment

Use synonyms

has negative effects on personal and social life. These can change one’s life plans, lead to unhealthy behaviour, and reduce social relationships. So, using of virtual program requires a certain

time

Use synonyms

and place.

sarmastsobhan1994Fri Jan 19 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your essay presents ideas in a logical sequence, each paragraph should introduce a single idea and follow it through to a conclusion. To improve readability and flow, make use of connective words and phrases.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are both present and generally well-constructed, maintaining a clear position throughout the response. Introduce each main body paragraph with a clear topic sentence to signal the main point to the reader.

coherence cohesion

To enhance your main points, provide a range of specific examples that are fully developed and directly relevant to the claims you are making. This means expanding a little more on the examples you provide and ensuring they clearly support your argument.

task achievement

You've done well in providing a complete response to the task by appropriately addressing the prompt and consistently maintaining a clear position throughout your essay. Continuing to develop a balanced argument while ensuring a slightly more nuanced consideration of both perspectives could enhance your task achievement score.

task achievement

You present your ideas clearly, though at times the linking could be more nuanced. Aim to develop a more comprehensive argument through the use of complex sentences and a variety of sentence structures to express your points with greater clarity and sophistication.

task achievement

Cite relevant, specific examples to substantiate your argument, making sure they are detailed enough to convincingly support your point of view. These examples could be from personal experience, observations, or other sources that you can convincingly argue for.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

358 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Write a letter to a community college in America which invited you to talk about your country. In your letter Accept invitation and suggest preferable dates Tell them what your talks will be about And what equipment you require them to arrange
I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing this letter to thank you for inviting me to deliver a speech about my country in your prestigious institute. I accept your invitation and I would be more than happy to deliver this lecture on 20 June, 2024.
6
band
You were recently disrespected by one of the employees at your local supermarket. Write a letter to the supermarket manager. In your letter • tell why you were speaking with the employee • describe the employee's rude behavior • explain what you'd like the manager to do
I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing this letter to express my dissatisfaction with behaviour of one of your staff members at store yesterday. His name is Rajesh Kumar and he works in electronics section. I asked him about a LG flatron TV's, which is launched last month.
6
band
It is common to see people focused on their phones everywhere from home to public places and in almost every activity in their lives. Many people think that this phenomenon is understandable in this technologicial era while others are concerned about its negative effects in different aspects. Which opinion do you agree with?
Most people believe that the majority of individuals perceive excessive smartphone usage as a common occurrence. However, there is a more persuasive argument that these devices will have a detrimental impact on productivity, social relationships and mental health.
7
band
You are having a graduation party next Saturday night. You have invited 50 people to celebrate at an outdoor barbecue evening, which may continue into late into the night. Write a letter to your elderly neighbour. In your letter:  explain what will be happening  offer your apologies in advance  invite her to join the celebration
I have not seen you for a while since the last party that we enjoyed together at your home. I hope you have been well because your son told me that you felt unwell last week. I am writing to you because my son is having a graduation at ECU next Saturday the 17th of July, and I prefer that you are awareof the pool party.
6
band
Many feel that going to the gym is the best way to stay it. Others think there are more effective methods. Discuss both view and give you own opinion.
While some people believe that going to the gym is the best way to stay fit, others argue that there are more effective alternatives. This essay will analyse both points of view and express my opinion.

The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices are harmful to individuals and to the society, they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Write a letter to a community college in America which invited you to talk about your country. In your letter Accept invitation and suggest preferable dates Tell them what your talks will be about And what equipment you require them to arrange

You were recently disrespected by one of the employees at your local supermarket. Write a letter to the supermarket manager. In your letter • tell why you were speaking with the employee • describe the employee's rude behavior • explain what you'd like the manager to do

Many feel that going to the gym is the best way to stay it. Others think there are more effective methods. Discuss both view and give you own opinion.