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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that having sport in schools is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a vital part of education. Discuss 2 views + give your opinion.

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Some individuals argue that schools are wasting
time
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 on
students
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 when giving
sports
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 in programs,
while
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 others think that
sports
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 in
school
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 play an important role in education. In
this
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 essay, I would like to discuss both views of these perspectives before drawing a conclusion. On the one hand, there are a lot of schools applying
sports
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 as a physical subject in education programs/
school
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 curricula.
However
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, some parents still emphasize academic issues and want to spend most of their children’s
time
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 studying and getting high scores in class.
Besides
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 that, the thought of the older generation is the reason they think having sport in
school
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 is a waste of
time
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 and resources.
For example
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, public
school
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students
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 often study all day and have one physical subject within a week in comparison to cultural ones.
On the other hand
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,
sports
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 should become a compulsory subject in
school
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 because of their benefits. Playing
sports
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 from a young age (between 8
to
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and
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 15 is the model
time
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) has a lot of advantages for children. Teenagers need to not only acquire knowledge but
also
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 enhance their state of physical and mental health. Particularly, in the developing society, adolescents have a higher risk of modern diseases/illnesses
such
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 as obesity, overweight, diabetes, heart attack, etc. As a piece of evidence, schools are giving a chance for
students
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 to have holistic development when organizing extracurricular activities combined with
sports
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 competitions.
To sum up
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, despite both views that having private aspects that are suitable for each person, I believe that having
sports
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 in
school
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 plays a crucial role in education but it is a waste of
time
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 if
students
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 spend most of their
time
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for
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on
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entertainment purposes.

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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph contains one clear main point supported by specific examples and explanations. While your essay has structure, more detailed examples and clearer explanations would greatly strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure all parts of the essay logically lead into each other. Use transitional phrases more effectively between paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Work on the depth and specificity of your examples. Rather than giving general statements, use specific, detailed examples to support your views. This will make your essay more convincing and engaging.
task achievement
Ensure a balance between discussing both perspectives and your own opinion. Clearly stating your view and consistently supporting it throughout the essay will strengthen your position.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical fitness
  • Holistic development
  • Cognitive function
  • Teamwork
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Extracurricular
  • Academic achievement
  • Resource allocation
  • Curriculum
  • Inequality in opportunities
  • Life skills
  • Well-rounded education
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