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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph below gives information about the sales of the three most commonly purchased items in a particular bakery for the year 2014.

The graph below gives information about the sales of the three most commonly purchased items in a particular bakery for the year 2014.
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The line graph illustrates the figure of revenues in the three most common products in a particular bakery in 2014. It can be seen that the amount of sales product in Bread reached in the final month after remaining stable,
while
Linking Words
 the revenue of Buns product decreased slightly, as opposed to the increase of Pies.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the information about sales of Bread was a significant decrease from $80
thousand
Use synonyms
 to over $40
thousand
Use synonyms
 in March before fluctuating dramatically from March to September
,
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apply
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 and reached the highest point of $80
thousand
Use synonyms
 in the period of the month.
While
Linking Words
 the figures for Pies rose moderately from $10
thousand
Use synonyms
 to approximately $20
thousand
Use synonyms
 in October before growing considerably to $40
thousand
Use synonyms
 in December.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the revenues of sales in Buns stood at $40
thousand
Use synonyms
 in January and rose moderately to respectively $70
thousand
Use synonyms
. The figure of Buns witnessed a plateau with $70
thousand
Use synonyms
 between May and August before declining significantly to only $30
thousand
Use synonyms
 in December.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderately" was used 2 times.
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