Obesity has become an issue in some western countries, especially among children.What are the reasons behind, and what effects does it have on individual's life
Nowadays,
obesity
has been a grave issue in some Western countries, especially among children
. This
essay aims to shed light on the underlying causes of obesity
and the dire consequences of this
issue.
One of the primary drivers of this
problem is poor eating habits. In today’s world children
have abundant chances for being exposed to diverse kinds of foods, especially the ones with high fat and sugar content. To cite an example, in order to make the shelf life of foods more prolonged, manufacturers usually add food additives and some artificial chemicals which directly affect the body
and cause obesity
. Another plausible reason is the sedimentary
and inactive lifestyle that mainly affects Correct your spelling
sedentary
children
in western
parts of the world. Capitalize word
Western
While
children
need to be in movement every day to have healthy bodies, due to
digital platforms, online game sites and some other alluring factors, they often fail. For instance
, when being inactive, body
can not digest food properly, so the Add an article
the body
body
turns it into the
fat, which triggers Correct article usage
apply
obesity
.
Turning to consequences, it is evident that children
often fail to have a good lifestyle and social conduct because of being fat. They, sometimes, are bullied in public schools and are insulted by their peers because of their body
size, therefore
, stress caused by these kinds of things exacerbates this
issue by causing children
to be more obese. Furthermore
, they often fail in games which require physical activities, such
as football, basketball and
etc. The Correct word choice
apply
body
weight affects them negatively as it impedes the quickness of actions in children
.
To sum up
, obesity
can be triggered by a passive lifestyle and poor diet, and it can lead to possible social problems and some undesirable incapabilities.
Resul
Correct your spelling
Result
Submitted by bhoswriting on
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Style
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and engagement. Diversifying sentence types adds depth to your writing and keeps the reader interested.
Spelling
Pay close attention to spelling, especially consistent use of British or American English. For example, 'sedentary' was spelled as 'sedimentary', which has a different meaning. Consistency and accuracy in spelling can improve the overall professionalism of the essay.
Grammar
Keep an eye on typing and grammatical errors that might slip through, such as 'the sedimentary and inactive lifestyle that mainly affects children in western parts of the world.' It should be 'a sedentary and inactive lifestyle...' or 'sedentary and inactive lifestyles...'. Small corrections can greatly enhance the clarity of your statements.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion were well-structured, offering a clear overview of the essay's aim and summarizing the key points effectively.
Examples
You provided specific and relevant examples to support your arguments, which greatly strengthened your essay.
Logical Structure
The logical progression of your ideas from causes to consequences made your essay coherent and easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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