Obesity was once considered a disease of adults; however, it is becoming increasingly common among children. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done to help children stay healthy?

#obesity #disease #adults #children

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Non-communicable diseases like

obesity

are increasingly common both in adults and

children

. I believe that there are many contributing factors to why it

also

affects

children

. Nowadays,

youngsters

are eating too much

food

in their daily lives leading to

obesity

at an early age. We often hear that

children

have to eat a lot because they are still growing.

However

this

can be a misconception because they might end up eating too much

food

Children

still lack self-discipline and they do not know about the side effects of overeating.

Moreover

, when adults give them some

food

, especially junk

food

, they will tend to accept it with pleasure.

Thus

this

will increase the prevalence of

obesity

not only among adults but

also

among

youngsters

. There are many ways that can be done to help

youngsters

stay healthy and decrease the prevalence of

obesity

Firstly

, I believe that educating parents is necessary to increase awareness about the

food

intake of their

children

. If parents are already aware of the foods that they give to their

children

, it will decrease the possibility of

youngsters

eating too much

food

Secondly

, early screening of

youngsters

is needed because it can prevent long-term health complications.

For instance

, obese

children

will have a higher chance of getting several diseases

such

as diabetes and cardiovascular disease. With the help of early screening, doctors can give various prevention actions that can be given to

children

Moreover

, parents

also

can get additional knowledge about the condition of their

children

To sum up

, obese

children

are more prevalent nowadays

due to

the assumption that

children

must eat a lot.

However

, I am firmly convinced that with the help of education and early screening,

obesity

can be prevented from an early age.

Submitted by tiana29.alisjahbana on Tue Mar 19 2024

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Task Achievement

Enhance task response by addressing all parts of the task more fully. Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the issues to be discussed, and your conclusion effectively summarises your main points and suggests solutions.

Coherence & Cohesion

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Coherence & Cohesion

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

290 words

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Obesity was once considered a disease of adults; however, it is becoming increasingly common among children. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done to help children stay healthy?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities of the word. What are your opinions on this:

The world is consuming natural resources faster than they can be renewed. Therefore, it is important that products are made to last. Governments should discourage people from constantly buying more up-to-date or fashionable products. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

More and more people are moving to cities to look for work. What are the problems does this cause? What are the possible solutions?

Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?