Obesity was once considered a disease of adults; however, it is becoming increasingly common among children. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done to help children stay healthy?

Non-communicable diseases like
obesity
are increasingly common both in adults and
children
. I believe that there are many contributing factors to why it
also
affects
children
. Nowadays,
youngsters
are eating too much
food
in their daily lives leading to
obesity
at an early age. We often hear that
children
have to eat a lot because they are still growing.
However
,
this
can be a misconception because they might end up eating too much
food
.
Children
still lack self-discipline and they do not know about the side effects of overeating.
Moreover
, when adults give them some
food
, especially junk
food
, they will tend to accept it with pleasure.
Thus
,
this
will increase the prevalence of
obesity
not only among adults but
also
among
youngsters
. There are many ways that can be done to help
youngsters
stay healthy and decrease the prevalence of
obesity
.
Firstly
, I believe that educating parents is necessary to increase awareness about the
food
intake of their
children
. If parents are already aware of the foods that they give to their
children
, it will decrease the possibility of
youngsters
eating too much
food
.
Secondly
, early screening of
youngsters
is needed because it can prevent long-term health complications.
For instance
, obese
children
will have a higher chance of getting several diseases
such
as diabetes and cardiovascular disease. With the help of early screening, doctors can give various prevention actions that can be given to
children
.
Moreover
, parents
also
can get additional knowledge about the condition of their
children
.
To sum up
, obese
children
are more prevalent nowadays
due to
the assumption that
children
must eat a lot.
However
, I am firmly convinced that with the help of education and early screening,
obesity
can be prevented from an early age.
Submitted by tiana29.alisjahbana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas by providing more detailed examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments. Doing so will enrich your essay and make your points more convincing.
Task Achievement
Enhance task response by addressing all parts of the task more fully. Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the issues to be discussed, and your conclusion effectively summarises your main points and suggests solutions.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, try to make your paragraphs flow more naturally by using a variety of linking words and phrases. This will help guide the reader through your essay more smoothly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on achieving a stronger cohesion by organizing your ideas more clearly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by detailed examples or explanations.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: