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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, some parents put a lot of pressure on children to succeed. What are the reasons for doing this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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It is true that these days many
parents
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 push their kids hard to do well. The practical reasons for
this
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 circumstance are societal expectations, desire for their
children
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’s success, or fear of failure. In my opinion, it can be both positive, as it can motivate
children
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 to excel, and negative, as it can lead to stress and burnout. On the one hand,
parents
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 may
pressure
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 their
children
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 because they believe it is essential for their future success and well-being.
For instance
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, they might emphasize good grades and extracurricular activities to help their
children
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 get into top universities or build the best careers.
In addition
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,
parents
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 might feel
pressure
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 from social expectations or cultural norms that prioritize academic and professional achievement.
This
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pressure
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 may bother them and lead to
pressure
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 on their
children
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.
Moreover
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, many
parents
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 want to achieve their goals through their kids.
Consequently
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, they use them for their own purposes.
On the other hand
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, the
pressure
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parents
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 put on
children
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 to succeed can have both positive and negative aspects. On the positive side, it can motivate
children
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 to work hard and achieve their goals.
For example
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, a parent’s encouragement to excel academically might inspire a child to study diligently and achieve high grades.
This
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 can help
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 work
together with
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 their
parents
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 and can be beneficial for their future lives.
However
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, excessive
pressure
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 can lead to negative outcomes
such
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 as stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
For instance
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, if a child feels
pressure
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 constantly, he or she may experience burnout and mental health issues. In conclusion,
while
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 some level of parental
pressure
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 can be motivating, it is crucial for
parents
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 to consider the well-being of their
children
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 and strive for a balanced approach that fosters both success and mental health.

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task achievement
Develop your points with detailed examples. While your essay touches on several reasons and impacts, deeper analysis with more specific, real-life examples would strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs. Use linking phrases more effectively to create a more cohesive flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next. This will enhance the readability and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Remember to explicitly state your opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion if the question requires it. This helps to make your stance clear from the beginning and reinforces it at the end.
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