IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement.

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When quizzed to choose between a
life
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 where they need not
work
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 and working for a sizeable part of their time, individuals would always opt for a
life
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 without
work
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.
This
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 essay disagrees with
this
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 because
work
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 gives a sense of satisfaction, and
secondly
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,
work
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 provides entertainment.
To begin
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 with, people’s
life
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 thrives primarily on the satisfaction which they get from
work
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. Because of being social creatures, human beings want to excel in their lives, and they want society to know about their success. To achieve
this
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 aim, most individuals go beyond their capacities and toil hard at their respective
work
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. Once they get initial success, they start liking their
work
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 and find it difficult to leave it.
For example
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, during the lockdown
due to
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COVID-19
Correct article usage
the COVID-19
show examples
 Pandemic, many people have gone into depression by sitting idle at home.
Moreover
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,
work
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 provides us with much-needed fun and entertainment. When we do
work
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, we meet a lot of people and widen our social circle. To explicate success at
work
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 makes us feel motivated, and it puts us in a state of flow in which our
work
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 is worship for us. In
this
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 state, the time we put at
work
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 passes quickly and makes us feel happy by keeping our worries at bay. To exemplify recent survey has revealed that most people feel bored in
life
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 when they do not have much
work
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 to do.
To conclude
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 a large section of society likes to remain engaged in
work
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 because through
this
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 activity they get a sense of accomplishment.
Apart from
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this
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, regular participation in
work
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 breaks the monotony in
life
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 and makes us feel jovial.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss. However, the wording could be smoothed out a little for better readability. Instead of 'This essay disagrees with this because work gives a sense of satisfaction, and secondly, work provides entertainment,' consider 'This essay disagrees with this statement because work provides both a sense of satisfaction and entertainment.'
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is well-organized, the transitions between paragraphs can be improved. Consider using transitional phrases like 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition,' to ease the flow between your main points.
coherence cohesion
While the content of your essay is strong, some sentences could be made more concise. For example: 'Because of being social creatures, human beings want to excel in their lives, and they want society to know about their success,' could be rewritten as 'As social creatures, humans strive to excel and seek societal recognition.' This can make your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a complete response with clear and comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
You included relevant and specific examples, which strengthen your arguments. The mention of the COVID-19 lockdown and its impact is particularly persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is solid. Each paragraph focuses on a single main point that supports your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted. They provide a clear beginning and end, framing your arguments effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal interests
  • social isolation
  • structured daily routine
  • sense of purpose
  • achievement
  • boredom
  • overworking
  • burnout
  • hobbies
  • family time
  • work pressures
  • stress
  • health issues
  • social interactions
What to do next:
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