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Writing Samples
Band 6

In recent years, more and more people are choosing to read ebooks rather than paper books. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

Although
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 e-book is considered a good choice, other
people
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 believe that e-
books
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 may harm human eyes. In my opinion, I think that e-
books
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 can bring more downsides to readers compared to any advantages they might bring.) Admittedly, there are some basic benefits to
people
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 reading
ebooks
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.
Firstly
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, a person who reads an
ebook
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 can save money on
paper
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books
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.
This
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 means that when a person needs to purchase a
paper
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 book, an
ebook
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 can be used to relieve his or her financial stress. Normally,
ebooks
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 cost less compared to
paper
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books
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.
Secondly
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, the
ebook
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 provides a more convenient way to study since it is easier for
people
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 to carry any mobile device containing an
ebook
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.
For instance
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, in the past, when the internet was not invented,
people
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 needed to carry a large number of
paper
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books
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, which were really heavy and caused inconvenience,
whereas
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 nowadays,
people
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 can directly access any
ebook
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 they want as long as they use a mobile device
such
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 as a mobile phone or an iPad.
Nevertheless
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, despite the advantages above, I believe that
people
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 who prefer reading
ebooks
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 could face serious drawbacks. One of the biggest potentially dangerous problems is that
ebooks
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 can cause harm to
people
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's vision.
In other words
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,
ebooks
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 may aggravate eye problems,
such
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 as myopia and astigmatism.
By contrast
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,
paper
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books
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 can effectively reduce damage to the eyes, as long as
people
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 keep the right distance when reading. Another issue why
people
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 pick up their mobile phones is not to study or read but for entertainment
due to
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 a lack of self-control ability.
Hence
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,
ebooks
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 may not be of great help to learning, and even reduce learning time and efficiency.
To sum up
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, I believe that
e
Add a hyphen
e-books
show examples
books
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 can hurt human eyes and reduce learning efficiency, and
therefor
Correct your spelling
therefore
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, their disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

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task achievement
Provide a clear introduction that clearly states your opinion to give the reader a concise understanding of your stance from the beginning. Avoid using ambiguous statements.
task achievement
Balance the discussion of advantages and disadvantages more evenly. You've highlighted the disadvantages well, but further elaboration on the advantages would create a more balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by using a wider range of cohesive devices, such as 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', 'However', and 'On the other hand', to connect ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Develop your conclusion further. You can strengthen your argument by summarizing the main points discussed and emphasizing your final stance in a compelling way.
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