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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages otweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #news #events #otweigh
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Social media is a topic which bears some consideration. It is from the writer's point of view that
this
 development brings more benefits to keeping in touch with humans and getting news events outweigh the lack of confidence in reality. The most advantageous factor of social media is keeping in touch with some
people
. It must be recognized that just with a smartphone, you can make more new friends around the world, or call everyone who does not to go out.
Besides
, it helps
people
 so much to study a new language, because we can study that by chatting or watching YouTube. Another impact of social media is getting more new things. You can get news every time at kenh24h, or vtv1, or so on, they usually try to update fastly more information. Not only that, we can read new details at other countries's sites to know more , and you know there are more schools that hope students read more other news to get more new knowledge and prepare for exams and in reality.
On the other hand
, that leads to serious health conditions like astigmatism, short-sightedness and so on. It makes more
people
 become poor than because the money was paid so high to cure
sicks
Replace the word
sick
show examples
. Taking all points into account, the possible impact of getting on with other
people
 and getting new events outweighs the disadvantages of addiction internet.

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Task Achievement
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction for a stronger foundation to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop clearer topic sentences to introduce each paragraph effectively.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples and details to support your points about the benefits and drawbacks of social media.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more logically, ensuring there is a clear progression from one point to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider revisiting your conclusion to more effectively summarize your arguments and restate your main point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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