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Band 7

It is difficult for people in the cities to get enough physical exercise. What are the causes and solutions?

#people #cities #exercise
Individuals who are living in well-developed areas find it hard to do exertions. There are following factors behind
such
 as busy schedule, and availability of machinery. A possible solution to
this
 problem is to spread awareness among
people
 about limiting the use of modern gadgets. I am going to discuss these points in my essay below.
To begin
 with, the factors responsible for
this
 situation are the busy routine of the community. Most
people
work
 about 7-9 hours daily and when they finish their tasks, they are fully exhausted and unable to do any other activity.
Therefore
, folk prefer to spend some
time
 watching TV
while
 sitting at their own pace rather than going out or working out.
Secondly
, as everyone is busy with their
work
 they don't have
time
 to do their chores on their own so they use modern technology to complete their pending
work
. These machines make life super easy and fast now humans are fully dependent on them for their
work
 Robots are introduced that make the home clean
instead
 of humans.
On the contrary
,
people
 of urban areas try to manage to do each task
that is
 hard or easy to do on their own because they do not have
such
 resources that
people
 living in suburbs have. There are some possible solution to
this
 problem, the nation needs to maintain a balanced lifestyle in which they can easily do their routine job
along with
 that they
also
 try to make
time
 for the gym to make themself healthy and fit.
Secondly
, they need to avoid the use of machinery and try to do their
work
 with their own hands which is good for them as it keeps them fit and active.
Thirdly
, the government plays a crucial role as well they need to arrange seminars in which they introduce the benefits of physical exercise. So everyone tries to follow the instructions they give in the seminars to remain in good shape. In conclusion, it is a fact that life in the city is like a fast train where
people
 are left with no
time
 to do another exercise to keep them fit and healthy. but
this
 issue can be easily tackled if
people
 try to balance between their working life and other activities.
Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on

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Introduction Enhancement
Consider introducing your essay with a more detailed background of the issue, this sets up the context for your discussion. Your introduction is concise but lacks depth.
Evidence and Examples Expansion
Expand on your main points by providing more elaborate examples or case studies. This will support your arguments more robustly.
Coherence and Cohesion Improvement
Work on creating smoother transitions between your paragraphs. Utilizing linking phrases can greatly enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Response Deepening
Strive to cover the task's requirements more comprehensively by exploring varied dimensions of the problem and solutions. Your coverage seems somewhat surface-level.
Language and Complexity
Increase the complexity of your sentence structures, which will not only improve readability but also showcase a wider range of language skills.
Conclusive Summary
Conclude your essay by summarizing your main points and restating the importance of the issue and solutions. Your conclusion could benefit from a stronger call to action or final thought.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • desk-bound jobs
  • fast-paced urban life
  • conveniences
  • physical exertion
  • barrier
  • densely populated
  • pollution
  • safety concerns
  • urban planning
  • pedestrian areas
  • cycle lanes
  • accessible
  • workplace wellness programs
  • subsidize
  • financial barriers
  • public awareness
  • incorporate
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