IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that working at weekends has an important role in our
health
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that the working week should be shorter because it reduces stress, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that working short hours at
weekend
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 essential for our concentration and mental
health
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.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 who are not working at
weekend
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, which have enough time to do housework or homework.
In other words
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, they can spend more time with their family, friends and neighbours.
In addition
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, they have time to chat or contact those who are living abroad, and build good relationships with their children.
For instance
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, research has shown that
people
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 who do not
work
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 at
weekend
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, they
work
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 more actively and positively at
work
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 or study on workdays.
On the other hand
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, it is good for the environment to keep it clean. It is possible to say that
,
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apply
show examples
 reducing emissions like carbon, which come from cars,
also
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 keeps the trees and flowers in good
health
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.
Moreover
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, reduce the diseases that come from factories.
For example
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, the Netherlands has stopped workers from working on weekends
as a result
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 keep the environment as perfect as it can , and now many old
people
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 are in good
health
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 ,and the trees and flowers grow everywhere. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views, I believe that working shorter hours at
weekend
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 keep us refreshed and interesting for our
work
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 or study.
Furthermore
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, it keeps our environment in a good way , and trees produce more oxygen.

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task response
Score: 5. Answer the exact question more carefully. The question is about a shorter working week and a longer weekend, but you often write about working at weekends. State clearly that workers should work fewer days, for example four days, and have three days off.
task response
Keep one clear view. Your first part says people should not work at weekends, but your opening says working short hours at weekend is essential. These ideas do not match. Choose one side and keep it from start to end.
task response
Make your reasons more full. Explain how a longer weekend can help workers rest, sleep, spend time with family, and then do better work. Your air and trees point is possible, but it needs a clearer link to fewer work days.
task response
Be careful with examples. The example about the Netherlands is very strong but has no clear proof. Use a simple made-up example instead: “For example, a worker with three days off may return on Monday with more energy.”
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Make each body part start with one clear main idea. Then give an explanation and one example. Do not move from cars to trees to old people in the same part without clear links.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more exact way. “On the other hand” often shows a different view, but your second part gives another reason to agree. Use “Another reason is” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear subject words. For example, change “people who are not working at weekend, which have enough time” to “People who do not work at weekends have more time.” This makes your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your end should repeat your main view in a direct way. Write: “In conclusion, I agree that the working week should be shorter because workers will be healthier and more able to do good work.”
task response
You give a clear view: you agree that people need more free time at the weekend.
task response
You give two main reasons: more time with family and less harm to the air.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “To begin with”, “In addition”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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