IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The average standard of an individual's
health
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 is likely to be poorer in the
future
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 than it is now. I entirely agree with
this
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 statement as most
people
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 do not exercise and eat healthy foods.
Due to
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 the recent developments in
technology
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technology,
show examples
 most
people
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 stay station all day which may have effects on their
health
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 in the
future
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. Lack of exercise and movement has
such
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 an impact on
people
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's mental and physical
health
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.
For instance
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,
people
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 who tend to always be on their phones have posture problems and others develop depression.
Therefore
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, I strongly believe an average person is likely to have many
health
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 problems in the
future
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as a result
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 of their behaviour. Another reason is a lack of healthy meals which will have an impact on their
health
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due to
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 the development of obesity and heart diseases. As technology progresses everything is easily reachable and
people
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 are too lazy to prepare their
food
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; making them order fast
food
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 which is full of toxic metals and bad oils.
For example
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, each fast
food
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 shop has an app to order
food
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 and
then
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 they deliver it to your doorstep for free, which most individuals prefer as it is faster and saves them time. In conclusion, an average person's
health
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 will be affected poorly in the
future
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due to
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 lack of movement and consumption of fast
food
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.
Thus
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, resulting in diseases like depression and obesity. I strongly support
this
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 statement and believe that
people
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 should be more educated about the implications of their actions now on their
future
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health
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.

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coherence cohesion
To further enhance your essay, consider varying your sentence structures and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary. This will help make your arguments more compelling and your writing style more sophisticated.
task achievement
In terms of task response, while your argument is clear and well-supported, adding more detailed examples and possibly considering counterarguments could make your position stronger and more nuanced. This demonstrates critical thinking and a deep understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs are well-organized, each with a clear main idea and cohesive supporting sentences. Use transition words effectively to guide the reader through your argument seamlessly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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