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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The graph shows the number of visitors to a variety of art galleries in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows the number of visitors to a variety of art galleries in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#visitors #variety #art #galleries #information #features #comparisons
The supplied bar chart illustrates how many tourists visited
several
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
various types of art galleries in six different countries in 2011. It can be clearly seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Louvre
Correct article usage
the Louvre
show examples
Museum
 in France had the highest number of visitors over the period.
However
,people did not prefer to visit
State
Correct article usage
the State
show examples
 Hermitage in Russia
rahter
Correct your spelling
rather
 than other art galleries in 2011. In 2011,just under 9
millions
Correct your spelling
million
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 of the
populaions
Correct your spelling
populations
population
 tend to see Louvre
Museum
 in France.(Which was the highest rate of visitors over the period).
While
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
visiting
Metropolitan
Correct article usage
the Metropolitan
show examples
Museum
 in the United States of America was as popular as watching
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
Museum
 in the United Kingdom with 6
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 visitors in 2011.
In contrast
,just over 3
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people chose to watch the National
Museum
 of Korea,just ahead of Museo del Prado in Spain with precisely 3
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2011.
Moreover
,the number of people who prefer to visit
State
Correct article usage
the State
show examples
 Hermitage in Russia was roughly under 3
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2011.(Which was the least number of watchers over the whole year).
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words museum, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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