IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You recently visited a department store. One member of staff at the store was very helpful to you and you want to tell the store about this. Write a letter to the store manager. In your letter. - say which part of the store you visited - ⁠describe how this member of staff was helpful to you - ⁠say what you would like the manager to do

Dear Store Manager, I am writing to express my appreciation for a remarkable experience I had recently during my visit to the electronics department of your store.
While
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 browsing for a new laptop, I encountered a staff member named Sarah, whose assistance was not only knowledgeable but
also
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 exceptionally friendly. Sarah helped me navigate the vast array of options available and took the time to understand my specific needs. She offered insightful recommendations based on my usage habits and even provided a detailed comparison between various models, which made my decision-making process significantly easier. Her patience and enthusiasm were truly commendable, making me feel valued as a customer. I believe that exceptional service deserves recognition, so I kindly request that you acknowledge Sarah's efforts in your team meeting. A simple gesture like a commendation or a small token of thanks would undoubtedly motivate her and inspire her colleagues. Thank you for fostering
such
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 a wonderful shopping environment. Sincerely, John Doe

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task achievement
The letter has all parts needed: the store visited, how the staff helped, and a request to the manager. Great job!
coherence and cohesion
You can improve by adding a transition sentence between the first and second paragraphs to make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
The closing is polite and appropriate. Keep this tone in future letters!
task achievement
The way you described the staff member's helpfulness was clear and specific. This is excellent!
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a nice greeting and closing. This shows good manners!

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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