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Band 7

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance
Some people harbour a belief that hard
work
 and determination can contribute to success in
life
, whilst others hold the reverse viewpoint that there are other
factors
such
 as
money
 and appearance. From my perspective, I am inclined to stand neutrally with both opinions since the mentioned
factors
 are equally important to a healthy
life
.
Initially
,
one
 of the main arguments in favour of hard
work
 and determination is that achievements at
work
 easily elevate
one
's confidence since his/her abilities are recognized by companies.
Therefore
, hard
work
 and determination will provide individuals with goals to achieve which will lead to a sense of accomplishment.
Moreover
, when employees spontaneously set high standards at
work
, they have higher potential than others to gain promotion which will lead to progress in their socioeconomic status.
Hence
, hard
work
 and ambitions will make people improve and feel recognized in their careers. At the other end of the spectrum,
money
 and appearance are vital to build up confidence and have a high quality of
life
.
Although
 people usually say "You cannot judge a book by its cover.", it cannot be denied that good-looking is able to make individuals feel pleasant and enhance personal confidence. When it comes to
money
, it can be a dream
life
 when a person does not need to worry about
money
.
Money
 provides individuals with
life
 possibilities as they have chances to choose the lifestyles they prefer.
Thus
, the two
factors
 can directly uplift
one
's self-recognition.
To sum up
, despite the fact that hard
work
 and ambition have indispensable roles to play in
one
's
life
, the satisfaction from
money
 and appearance cannot be denied.
Hence
, the listed
factors
 are equally crucial to a balanced
life
 development.
Submitted by s99104032 on

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cohesion
Integrate the discussion of both views more seamlessly by comparing and contrasting them within the body paragraphs, rather than isolating them. This will improve the flow and cohesion of the essay.
task response
Incorporate more concrete examples to support your points about hard work, determination, money, and appearance. This could involve citing studies, statistics, or notable personal stories to add depth and persuade your reader.
task response
Be cautious of maintaining a formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid using casual phrases or colloquial expressions that may detract from the academic quality of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • perseverance
  • discipline
  • resilience
  • effort
  • tenacity
  • external factors
  • financial resources
  • favorable appearance
  • perceptions
  • advantages
  • intrinsic
  • extrinsic
  • sustainable
  • facilitating
  • undeniable
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