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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram indicates the life process of the honey bee

The diagram indicates the life process of the honey bee
The diagram
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
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 the life cycle of
honey
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
bee
Fix the agreement mistake
bees
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 from
eggs
Use synonyms
 to young adults in six processes.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
Use synonyms
honey
Correct article usage
a honey
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bee
Use synonyms
's life
ususally
Correct your spelling
usually
 takes thirty-four to thirty-six
days
Use synonyms
 to
becames
Correct your spelling
become
young
Correct article usage
a young
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 adult, with
exception
Add an article
an exception
the exception
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for
Change preposition
of
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 female
Use synonyms
bee
Fix the agreement mistake
bees
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 which
needed
Wrong verb form
need
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extra
Correct article usage
an extra
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 four
days
Use synonyms
 to mature. In
detalis
Correct your spelling
detail
, The
females
Fix the agreement mistake
female
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honey
Use synonyms
bee
Use synonyms
lay
Wrong verb form
lays
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 one to two
eggs
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 every three
day
Change to a plural noun
days
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, the first stage of
bee
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 life
started
Wrong verb form
starts
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as
Change preposition
with
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eggs
Use synonyms
 ,and it takes nine to ten
days
Use synonyms
 to
hatched
Change the form of the verb
hatch
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,
then
Linking Words
 after that the baby
bee
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move
Change the verb form
moves
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 out
off
Replace the word
of
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 the
eggs
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, and
growday
Correct your spelling
grows
 by day till grow bigger in size. In the
Fix the agreement mistake
process
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processes
Add a comma
processes,
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 the preadult
bee
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 started to shed there body parts like old feathers,hair and skin to leave space for new
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 to grow.
it is
Verb problem
It
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happen
Wrong verb form
happens
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 three times as
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the bee
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bee
Fix the agreement mistake
bees
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 keep growing to young
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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in
Change preposition
on
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 the 9th
Use synonyms
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
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. in the final stage
honey
Use synonyms
bee
Use synonyms
became
Wrong verb form
becomes
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 fully matured, but for
female
Correct article usage
a female
show examples
bee
Use synonyms
 extra four
days
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 needed to reach maturity.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words honey, bee, eggs, days with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pollination
  • Ecosystems
  • Metamorphosis
  • Larva
  • Pupa
  • Nectar
  • Pollen
  • Foraging
  • Hive
  • Cell
  • Workers
  • Drones
  • Queen Bee
  • Mating Flight
  • Capped Cell
  • Colony
  • Reproduction
  • Brood
  • Apiary
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