IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It has been argued that the emergence of car in human life has brought conveniences rather than problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, a car is an invention, which is
a
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apply
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really helpful for today's population.
Therefore
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, a section
society
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of society
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 believes, that the presence of
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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 in human life is an
advantageous
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advantage
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instead
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of
Correct word choice
than
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Correct article usage
a disadvantages
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disadvantages
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disadvantage
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.
However
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, I partially agree, with
this
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 notion, as there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 drawbacks of automobiles that cannot be neglected.
To begin
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 with, there are myriad
of
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apply
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reasons which insist people
to
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apply
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believe that
auto
Correct article usage
the auto
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 industry is
blessing
Correct article usage
a blessing
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 for individuals.
The first
Correct article usage
First
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 and foremost, they can save
a
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apply
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plenty of time by using
cars
Use synonyms
 in their daily lives.
Secondly
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, there are more chances to get a job if they
owned
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own
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cars
Use synonyms
.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 survey has been done recently, in Canada, that
masses
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the masses
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 who drive auto-mobiles got employment easily as
compare
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compared
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 to those who
used
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use
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 public transport or bicycles.
That is
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 why, human life is much
easy
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easier
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 with
an
Correct article usage
the
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 aid of these vehicles. Apart from these benefits, in case of any emergencies or to cover long
distance
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distances
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,
cars
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 are the best way to approach.
However
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, these auto vehicles
also
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 have some disadvantages which are not
much
Rephrase
very
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 popular among
public
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the public
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, but can be a big threat
for
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to
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an
Correct article usage
the
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 environment.
The
Correct article usage
apply
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Global warming,
for instance
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,
cars
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 produce a large amount of emission gases which are not good for the air.
Thus
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, these gases
produced
Wrong verb form
produce
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 serious
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
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 among people, like, Asthma.
Furthermore
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, the community is more dependent on
cars
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 in
current
Add an article
the current
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 era, as
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
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 to ancient times, which leads them to diseases like obesity and makes them less patient.
To conclude
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,
although
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,
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apply
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 the emergence of
cars
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, is
such
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 a blessing for individuals
but
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apply
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only if, these can be used in a limited way,
otherwise
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, the excessive use of anything could
leads
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lead
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 to detrimental effects.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic and previews the main points of your argument. Your introduction did a good job, but refining it to directly address the prompt can make it more impactful.
task achievement
Develop each of your main points with specific examples and explanations. While you mentioned a survey in Canada, providing more detailed data or outcomes could bolster your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on better structuring your paragraphs; each should have a clear main idea followed by supporting evidence and examples. Additionally, linking words and phrases can improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Review basic punctuation and sentence structuring practices. Avoid overuse of commas and aim for a variety of sentence structures to make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
Consider both sides of the argument thoroughly in your essay. While you've discussed both benefits and drawbacks, ensure each point is fully explored and counterbalanced for a more balanced argument.
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