IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It has been argued that the emergence of car in human life has brought conveniences rather than problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#emergence #car #life #conveniences
Nowadays, a car is an invention, which is
a
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apply
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really helpful for today's population.
Therefore
, a section
society
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of society
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 believes, that the presence of
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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 in human life is an
advantageous
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advantage
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instead
of
Correct word choice
than
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Correct article usage
a disadvantages
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disadvantages
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disadvantage
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.
However
, I partially agree, with
this
 notion, as there are
few
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a few
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 drawbacks of automobiles that cannot be neglected.
To begin
 with, there are myriad
of
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apply
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reasons which insist people
to
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apply
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believe that
auto
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the auto
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 industry is
blessing
Correct article usage
a blessing
show examples
 for individuals.
The first
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First
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 and foremost, they can save
a
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apply
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plenty of time by using
cars
 in their daily lives.
Secondly
, there are more chances to get a job if they
owned
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own
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cars
.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 survey has been done recently, in Canada, that
masses
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the masses
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 who drive auto-mobiles got employment easily as
compare
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compared
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 to those who
used
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use
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 public transport or bicycles.
That is
 why, human life is much
easy
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easier
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 with
an
Correct article usage
the
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 aid of these vehicles. Apart from these benefits, in case of any emergencies or to cover long
distance
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distances
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,
cars
 are the best way to approach.
However
, these auto vehicles
also
 have some disadvantages which are not
much
Rephrase
very
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 popular among
public
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the public
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, but can be a big threat
for
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to
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an
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the
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 environment.
The
Correct article usage
apply
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Global warming,
for instance
,
cars
 produce a large amount of emission gases which are not good for the air.
Thus
, these gases
produced
Wrong verb form
produce
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 serious
illness
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illnesses
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 among people, like, Asthma.
Furthermore
, the community is more dependent on
cars
 in
current
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the current
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 era, as
compare
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compared
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 to ancient times, which leads them to diseases like obesity and makes them less patient.
To conclude
,
although
,
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apply
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 the emergence of
cars
, is
such
 a blessing for individuals
but
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apply
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only if, these can be used in a limited way,
otherwise
, the excessive use of anything could
leads
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lead
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 to detrimental effects.
Submitted by jaspreetkaur45047 on

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic and previews the main points of your argument. Your introduction did a good job, but refining it to directly address the prompt can make it more impactful.
task achievement
Develop each of your main points with specific examples and explanations. While you mentioned a survey in Canada, providing more detailed data or outcomes could bolster your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on better structuring your paragraphs; each should have a clear main idea followed by supporting evidence and examples. Additionally, linking words and phrases can improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Review basic punctuation and sentence structuring practices. Avoid overuse of commas and aim for a variety of sentence structures to make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
Consider both sides of the argument thoroughly in your essay. While you've discussed both benefits and drawbacks, ensure each point is fully explored and counterbalanced for a more balanced argument.
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