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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.

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Introduction
It is prevalent in some countries that most
students
Use synonyms
 prefer to stop their universities for a short term in order to work or travel el abroad. There are many advantages s of
this
Linking Words
 tendency,
such
Linking Words
 as gaining
experience
Use synonyms
 and reducing stress. Meanwhile, it may have downsides like adaptation problems and feeling disorientation.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the major benefit of breaking education is that
this
Linking Words
 process not only gives
students
Use synonyms
 a head
starting
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 over others in the working industry
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 improves their mental health.
Firstly
Linking Words
, before young ones start their studies, they may gain work
experience
Use synonyms
, do
internship
Fix the agreement mistake
internships
show examples
, and have important communication and business skills, which will be advantageous to skilled ones compared to others in vacancies and interviews.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, individuals who enter the prestigious university under pressure and stressful conditions may not keep their mental health, experiencing some symptoms
such
Linking Words
 as anxiety and aggressiveness. By travelling overseas, they may relax, reduce
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 stress, and escape from
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 hectic pace of academic life.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who pause their academic life may
experience
Use synonyms
 some troubles when
re- entering
Correct your spelling
re-entering
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as adjustment and social issues. The one drawback is that teenagers may be exposed to isolation and social exclusion. When they return, they are not able to make friends and get used to
hang
Change the verb form
hanging
show examples
 out immediate surroundings.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they will not be able to adapt to subjects quickly.
For example
Linking Words
, the majority of
students
Use synonyms
experience
Use synonyms
 adaptation problems after returning from vacation.
Conclusion
In conclusion, getting rid of education for relaxation or working might be beneficial as people obtain work
experience
Use synonyms
,
as well as
Linking Words
 being able to maintain their mental health.
However
Linking Words
,
ones
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who break their studies face social and adaptation problems.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical flow in writing. Use linking phrases to better connect ideas and enhance cohesion across paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Introduce the topic and state your position clearly in the introduction. Summarize the main ideas and restate your view in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Expand upon main points by including more concrete examples and demonstrations of how your arguments apply.
task achievement
Address the task's requirements fully. Make sure to cover all parts of the prompt in your discussion to ensure a complete response.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas by organizing them more effectively. Develop each point thoroughly with supporting information.
task achievement
Enhance the specificity of your examples to directly support your arguments. Use relevant and detailed examples to make your case stronger.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
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