In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this?
Some individuals suppose that a young juvenile should be involved in
work
activities simultaneously with an education process in order to achieve new experiences and learn to be more independent from their parents. However
, others disagree with this
viewpoint and consider that this
trend will have a negative effect on the young generation. This
essay will attempt to investigate this
issue from both sides, detrimental and beneficial, and provide my own point regarding this
theme.
On the one hand, according to
the first category of people
, there are a plethora of benefits for youngsters to be engaged in different work
activities in a variety of directions. So, these involvements might give new communication skills for young people
as well as
increase teenager’s contribution to society's problems. For example
, learners of secondary school might be involved in the operation work
of some new IT projects due to
the fact that they are contemporary and faster in learning ability in comparison with older people
. As a consequence
, future generations will be more efficient at a young age and may learn new technologies in the period of their teenage’s ages. Moreover
, additional
advantage of Add an article
an additional
the additional
such
activity is that it may prevent some negative habits of younger people
, and fill their free time with profitable activities. Then
, these new positive habits will be a good platform for their future achievements.
On the other hand
, others who refuse the above-mentioned opinion, prefer to see a few risks in this
trend. As can be observed, juveniles are so young and are not ready to take responsibility for their actions and lives. Besides
that, they may have some problems in communication with other societies due to
the fact that they do not have a strong nervous system and their hormone system is just in the process of growing and developing. Consequently
, such
work
experience may be as positive as negative accordingly
.
Overall
, nevertheless
, there are both viewpoints in
Change preposition
on
this
issue, positive and negative, I firmly believe that in our up-to-date world in order to achieve success young people
ought to be active and if it is possible scrutinize new skills effectively without harming their academic performance.Submitted by akhmedova.mb on
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Argument Development
To strengthen your argument and clarity, balance the development of both sides equally. While you provided strong examples for working benefits, further elaboration on the risks and their impact would enhance your essay.
Cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of linking words to demonstrate more complex relationships between ideas for enhanced coherence.
Perspective Clarity
Be mindful of ensuring that your opinion is consistently clear throughout the essay. While you provided a conclusion with your viewpoint, reinforcing it in the introduction and throughout the body paragraphs strengthens your overall position.
Balanced Argumentation
You showed a strong ability to discuss both sides of the issue, presenting clear and relevant examples to support your points.
Structure
The logical structure of your essay, including a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, effectively guides the reader through your argument.
Vocabulary Range
Your essay presents a broad range of vocabulary related to the topic, which enriches your arguments and enhances readability.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example