IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding the changes. Others, however think that changes is always a good thing. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

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Staying in the comfort zone and not taking risks is some
people
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's approach.
While
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 others are welcoming anything new. From my perspective, shifts in
life
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 make a significant contribution to success and certainly change
people
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's lives in a good way. The world is constantly changing and
people
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 who cope with it may make their
life
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 easier. For thousands of years, many communities tried to stay in the same place and not change but eventually, everything changed. In the past, when a new trend like women becoming doctors, was introduced, many did not accept it and tried to resist it but like it or not, it happened and they just made their lives unbearable.
In addition
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, diversity prevents routineness. individuals who are facing new experiences are more likely to have a lively
life
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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full of excitement. Like going on travels frequently where there is
this
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 opportunity for
people
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 to enjoy new things that come up and feel fresh
due to
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 all the activities that they engage in.
However
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, others' points of view are against
this
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 idea. they believe their belongings may be lost by changes. Their possessions which they have accomplished through hard work and a lot of effort could vanish with a small change.
For instance
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, a person who invests all his/her wealth to start a new business exposes his/her
life
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 to bankruptcy.
Furthermore
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, variations lead to stress and anxiety. All kinds of changes and risks push
life
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 out of the ordinary and bring
people
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 into a world of unknowns and uncertainties which make them feel nervous. Like changing jobs,
people
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 can not be sure if it is
a
Correct article usage
the
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 right choice because they have no idea about its cons and pros and may have a severe impact on their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 so it causes stress
feeling
Verb problem
apply
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in individuals. In conclusion, though, staying in the same place and not accepting changes may keep
people
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 safe, but, variations are inevitable and everyone faces diversity in their
life
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 so
instead
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 of ignoring them it is better to face it and find our way to a better
life
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 throughout of it.

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Coherence & Cohesion
For a higher score in coherence and cohesion, consider linking your paragraphs and ideas more clearly. Use discourse markers like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' and 'Consequently' to create stronger connections.
Task Response
To improve task response, strive to balance the discussion of both viewpoints before stating your opinion. Ensure equal development of ideas on both sides of the argument to fully address the task.
Task Achivement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your claims. This strengthens the response and provides clearer evidence of your arguments, boosting your score in task achievement.
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